Thread: Story time.... with Loki

Loki, tell them about the time you getting nailed by that dude and he punched you in the back of the head!

That's a pretty good story. It would be really funny if someone threw you a surprise birthday party and got that chick to jump out of a cake for you!! That would be priceless!!

Originally Posted by blinddeafmute

Loki, tell them about the time you getting nailed by that dude and he punched you in the back of the head!

It actually turned out to be a bull dyke. But, I thought you didn't want to talk about it...

Ok, since Mats wants to hear it...

Same office building, same job. One of the other sections I have responsiblity for is Discharges and Reenlistments (D&R). Just what it sounds like, except we had the additional responsiblity of doing discharges for the people getting kicked out for whatever reason. If you were no longer wanted, and just getting bascially FIRED, you came to us and we did the paperwork. This was, at the time, for the entire Western coast. As well as most overseas people. About 40 to 50 dirtbags a week, pluse 20 or so good guys at the end of thier enlistment, coming thru an office that is staffed with 6 people for this purpose. There is no time for any bullshit.

One of my clerk's was in an arguement with some dude. Obviously, the dude was getting kicked out because those getting out at the end of their hitch are generally happy-go-lucky and really easy to please. "Yea.... whatever...". They just didn't care, they were on their way out. Dirtbags, etc.. were usually a bit hostile and that is why I had my biggest guy working there, and I spent a lot of time in that section. Violence was not an unheard of thing (yea, security really loved us!). Anyway...

I go over to see what the raised voices are.

"Sir, calm down." He keeps yelling.

"Sir, CALM down." He keeps yelling.

"SIR, CALM DOWN." He keeps yelling.

"CALM THE FUCK DOWN", which results in him finally shutting up and is the warning klaxon to the entire office that Loki is pissed, someone is about to get their ass handed to them, and the officer and chief need to be found and informed that there is, yet again, another "issue" going on in D&R. Loki is on the scene, and has been known to get physical when these dirtbags take a swing. Which explains why me yelling like that always resulted in a small gathering of "witnesses".

"Ok... what the hell is the problem and why are you yelling at my people?"

"I want them to redo my DD-214". DD-214 is discharge papers, and they explain everything you did during your service, as well as WHY you are getting out and what type of characterization (honorable, other than honorable, etc.) you get. These can REALLY have a HUGE effect on future employment.

"Excuse me? I review every DD-214 done. Is there a misspelling?"

"No, I want her to change my reason."

"To what?"

"Bi-sexual"

"Excuse me?"

"It says homosexual, and I'm not. I'm BI-sexual". Clerks start tittering with muffled laughter.

"Excuse me?"

"I'm NOT HOMOSEXUAL!". The crowd grows, my officer has sat down in a chair about 10 feet away and is watching. The chief has done a face-palm and is walking away, no doubt to get security on the phone.

"Ok... you're not homosexual?"

"No"

"Then why does the paperwork I have say you are?"

"Because, they don't...."

"Hold on. Let me ask you a question. Do you suck cock?"

"What does that..."

"Answer the question. DO YOU SUCK COCK at any time? I know you're "BISEXUAL" (I even did the finger quotes), but that would mean that you enjoy the company of women AND MEN. So, once again... DO YOU SUCK COCK?"

"Yea..."

So, and picture this all in about a 1.5 second time-frame, I look at him, take my finger and point it right in his face. Finger is about 3" from his nose and I say, as loud as I can..."HOMOSEXUAL!!!!!" in the same way some Baptist would scream "Halleluah!" The image below is EXACTLY what happened, except I was in a Navy Uniform. I turned around, walked away and sat down.

He signed his discharge papers and left.

OMG!!! lol

Yea... the Puget Sound area has a boatload of weirdo's. I think it's something in the air...

Being stationed there sucked as I only had 50% of the manpower I was supposed to. On the other hand, because of that, I had the authority that someone 2 or 3 paygrades above me would normally have had. And I not only had some of the strangest people in the USN working for me (TARS), I had the strangest customers evah.