Top Ten Ways to Protect Jay Cutler

Jay Cutler continues to take a beating and there’s no help in sight. Actually, it’s sad. Really sad that we’re wasting the talents of this quarterback by failing to give him even the minimum basis protection. So with tongue firmly planted in cheek, I give you my Top 10 Ways to Protect Jay Cutler:

10. Dig a moat at the line of scrimmage
http://beargoggleson.com/files/2009/11/mmon154l.jpg
This might slow down defenders, but Forte might have an even tougher time hitting the right hole

9. Tie opponents shoelaces together
http://beargoggleson.com/files/2009/...s-together.jpg
Now all we need is a little guy to sneak across the line of scrimmage to do it. Garrett Wolfe isn’t doing much

8. Spike the opposing sidelines’ Gatorade
http://beargoggleson.com/files/2009/11/gatorade-jug.jpg

7. Replace opponents’ spikes with roller skates
http://beargoggleson.com/files/2009/...ler-skates.jpg

6. Have Jay wear a red jersey every week and tell opponents that they can’t hit the guy in the red jersey.
http://beargoggleson.com/files/2009/...red-jersey.jpg

5. Allow the Bears Offensive line to use tasers
http://beargoggleson.com/files/2009/11/taser.jpg

4. Get Jay one of those padded suits that dog trainers wear
http://beargoggleson.com/files/2009/11/heavysuit1.jpg

3. Use a Delorean converted into a time machine to bring back Orlando Pace circa 2000.</STRONG>
http://beargoggleson.com/files/2009/...-pace-rams.jpg

2. Use a stunt double wearing a #6 jersey
http://beargoggleson.com/files/2009/08/urlacher-6.JPG

1. Start using hot routes:



Wait. That’s what they’ve been doing so far this season!

i was thinking about giving him an ak 47. should help keep people away

runs, screens and short routes could work. Maybe getting our offensive tackles to try to block defensive ends rather than defensive tackles would work. In a normal world, that last sentence would be hilarious. In this one, it's only kind of funny.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Henry Burris

runs, screens and short routes could work. Maybe getting our offensive tackles to try to block defensive ends rather than defensive tackles would work. In a normal world, that last sentence would be hilarious. In this one, it's only kind of funny.

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Very good, very original, very funny. It deserves more replies.

Could we implement robots of some sort?

trade him to a different team.

And yet I'm fascinated by the idea some of you guys had on here by having Mannely LS to Jay in the shotgun.

I got it.

Hester takes all the snaps with Cutler lined out wide, Cutler motions every play back around Hester.

If the line looks like it's holding up, lateral and "we'll go from there."

If line is porous Hester shimmies.

Hire sumo wrestlers to protect Jay Cutler.

Have the entire team turn Catholic, so Hail Mary's actually work.