Lovie’s Records of Futility

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Lovie being Lovie.


Lovie Smith is my new sworn enemy. I’m a guy who normally believes that you make your own luck but Lovie is a jinx. He said after the Redskins game that the Bears “weren’t lucky.” I think he needs to look in the mirror to see who has the bad luck. Each week, just when I think that it can’t be worse than the week before, Lovie’s Bears find their way into the record books on the wrong side of the page. For those of you who have blocked out most of Lovie’s tenure with the Bears, let me refresh your memory.

We all know about DeAngelo Hall’s four interceptions last week, tying the NFL record in a single game. And then there was Week 4 when the Giants sacked Jay Cutler nine times in the first half, setting a new standard for dominating an offensive line. Now, I know Lovie wasn’t throwing the passes or blocking for Cutler, but the Bears are his team. He’s their leader and he was there, standing on the sidelines, calm as a hindu cow.

Then there was a cold November day in 2008 against the Vikings, when ex-Bear Bernard Berrian caught a 99 yard pass from old-timer Gus Frerotte, tying the record for the longest pass in NFL history. Lovie, was standing on the sidelines, emotionless as usual. In 2007, the Lions set the record for most points scored in the 4th quarter with 34, to come from behind and win the game. The freakin’ Lions! Lovie, again, was there.

Two weeks after the Lions debacle in 2007, the Vikings Adrian Peterson racked up 361 all-purpose yards (224 Rush, 9 Rec, 128 KR) against the usually defensive minded Bears, marking the third most yards by an individual in a single game. And of course, Lovie sat on the losing side of that game, standing there with that look that we all know too well. Blank.

Finally, we look to the record that started it all. In Lovie’s first game as Bears head coach, against the Lions once again, we witnessed what was a sign of things to come. Paul Edinger attempted a 27 yard field in the 3rd quarter, but it was blocked. Lions safety Bracy Walker picked up the ball and ran 92 yards for a touchdown, the second longest blocked field goal return for a touchdown in NFL history. Oh yeah, did I mention that the Lions won the game, ending their NFL record 24 game road losing streak. If only we knew how many more records he would be help opponents set in the future.

Don’t let his name fool you, he’s bad news and seven seasons later his mark has been left in the record books. Maybe his name won’t be attached to any of these records, but he was part of them whether you like it or not. I curse your name and everything you stand for, Lovie. We already have one team in Chicago with forces beyond our control with the Cubs. I won’t be sad when you leave town but please take your bad mumbojumbo with you.

Additional Note: Lovie’s Bears are 0-10 from the 1 yard line this season. That has got to be a record for futility as well. Thanks, Lovie!