Thread: Fairy-tale ending for Bears?

Could Bears’ good fortune have fairy-tale ending?


BY KYLE KOSTER | Commentary

Last Modified: Jan 13, 2011 03:57PM



It’s no secret that the Bears have had more than their share of good fortune this year. Here they are, two games from the Super Bowl, playing host to a team that’s lost more games than its won this season. Hey, even the most cynical fan has to wonder if there might be something in the stars.


It got us thinking that it could be a pretty wild ride from here on out.


Considering the way things have gone thus far, is it really that crazy to think that the breaks will continue to go their way?


Allow us to speculate on what might just happen and how it could end with a Super Bowl trophy ceremony in Texas .....



Thursday, Jan. 13: Seahawks head coach Pete Carroll shocks everyone by first expressing interest in the Michigan job and then replacing Brady Hoke in a matter of hours. His current team learns of his departure halfway through the flight to Chicago, when offensive coordinator Jeremy Bates informs them via mass text that he will be taking the reins.



Friday, Jan. 14: A determined but misguided Bates schedules four outside practices in an effort to ready his new squad for the elements at Soldier Field. The players, already reeling from Carroll’s stunning move, forget to layer properly. Sixteen members of the defense, including the entire starting unit catch mild frostbite and are medically forbid to play in Sunday’s game.


Saturday, Jan. 15: After six straight days of viewing his mind-blowing 67-yard touchdown run on YouTube – and doing little else – Seahawks running back Marshawn Lynch is shocked to hear that the team is adopting a Yankees-inspired policy banning long hair. He, along with backup quarterback Charlie Whitehurst stage a walkout during the team’s walk-through and threaten not to play if the restrictions aren’t repealed. In Atlanta, the Falcons and Green Bay Packers play a historic six-overtime game that ends with a Mason Crosby field goal mere hours before the Bears’ noon start. Coach Mike McCarthy gives his players the next three days off to rest.


Sunday, Jan. 16: The restrictions stand and the protest continues. The Bears roll over a decimated Seattle squad, 82-3. A 59-0 halftime advantage allows Lovie Smith to sit both starting units the entire second half.


Monday, Jan. 17: A routine eye exam turns into an epiphany for Devin Hester. It is discovered he suffers from 20/200 vision and agrees to a case study in which participants are given contacts that increase peripheral vision by 600 percent.


Tuesday, Jan. 18: The rumored romance between Packers quarterback and Jessica Szohr reaches a turning point when the “Gossip Girl” actress inspires the gunslinger to move to Hollywood. Rodgers unceremoniously quits football, leaving Green Bay in a state of shock and flux.


Wednesday, Jan. 19: Roger Godell unilaterally abolishes instant replay. Despite the outcry, Bears fans take to the streets celebrating the end of Smith’s long red-flag follies. McCarthy appears on “SportsCenter” and calls for Goodell’s ouster. The emboldened commissioner bans the Packers coach for life.


Thursday, Jan. 20: An unseasonably warm day inspires the Chicago Park District, long chastised for Soldier Field’s less-than-stellar field conditions, to jump on the opportunity and install synthetic turf in a remarkable 27-hour project that breaks down society’s concept of the relationship between time and construction. The project is done under extreme secrecy, as to not alert Green Bay.


Friday, Jan. 21: Armed with a new-found confidence in their ability to cut, turn and stop, the Bears, led by offensive coordinator Mike Martz, install a special 12-play, five-wideout package consisting of their fastest players. Danieal Manning is discovered to have not only the best hands on the team suddenly, but an innate ability to grasp sophisticated offensive concepts.


Saturday, Jan. 22: Packers backup quarterback Matt Flynn decides to follow Rodgers into the movie industry and retires to take a position as a PA on “Law & Order: Los Angeles.” Interim coach Winston Moss desperately installs a last-minute Wing-T offense.


Sunday, Jan. 23: The Bears get off the bus throwing the football … and throwing the football some more. Jay Cutler completes 42 of 53 passes and throws seven touchdowns as the Bears roll, 72-10. Hester, now with ridiculously developed vision, returns three kicks for scores.


Meanwhile in Foxboro, the New England Patriots-Baltimore Ravens’ game is suspended late in the fourth quarter in a tie score when a sudden Noreaster reduces visibility to historic lows. Play is resumed and the Patriots prevail, but Baltimore files a protest after a snowplow is used to clear the ground used for the game-winning field goal.


Monday, Jan. 24: Tensions run high as the still unresolved AFC Championship Game creates an embarrassment for the league. Initially, the Pats are awarded the win, but another curious unilateral decision from Goodell decrees the game will be replayed from the moment of the field goal.


Tuesday, Jan. 25: Charles Tillman hosts an all-team sleepover party, complete with pizza. An overwhelming sense of unity sweeps through the Bear ranks.


Wednesday, Jan. 26: Under picturesque conditions, the Patriots advance to the Super Bowl in the contentious protest game. In another puzzling move, Goodell announces the Super Bowl will be moved from Dallas to Chicago as punishment for the nefarious snow-plow fiasco.


Saturday, Jan. 29: Mike Ditka reaches his breaking point when, yet again, Keyshawn Johnson demands credit for matching his pocket square to his socks. The coaching legend expresses interest in joining the Bears’ staff.


Tuesday, Feb. 1: The Patriots’ team-first identity begins to fray as wide receivers Wes Welker and Deion Branch suddenly become provincial about pass targets during practice. Tom Brady’s peacemaking efforts end in a small laceration to his throwing hand.


Wednesday, Feb. 2: Ditka supporters take to the airwaves, street corners and Facebook to lead a groundswell movement to re-install the Super Bowl champ as head coach. In a trailblazing move, Smith cedes power just eight days before the biggest game of his life.


Friday, Feb. 4: Every quarterback ever to start for the Bears after Jim McMahon appear to Jay Cutler in a dream, revealing the secret to success. Cutler somehow finds Henry Burris’ advice to be the most useful.


Saturday, Feb. 5: Greg Olsen finds a lucky penny.


Sunday, Feb. 6: The perfect storm of good fortune comes to a head as the Bears destroy the Patriots, 38-6, in front of a frenzied and frozen home crowd. Cutler is named MVP and then mayor of Chicago. Ditka is carried off the field and over to the Field Museum where he belongs. Fans try to convince each other they never had any doubts, because, let’s face it, it was destiny.


It could happen, right?