Irrational Bears thread

Okay, the whole point of this is to overly criticize players, coaches, GM's or praise them well beyond their worth, just for the sake of lulz. (again, it's a joke, just to lighten the mood, none of these are really personal opinions) I'll start:

Julius Peppers is horrible, he got 8 sacks last year, and a scrub in Idonije got 8 sacks
Indonije got the most sacks of his career last year, and could easily double it with Paea on the line.
Jay Cutler, it turns out injured his knee because, being a fan of history, he realized that we needed to lose this one, just so we can 85 the ***** out of this next season

Tommie Harris is gonna make Angelo look like an idiot for the fact that he's gonna register 12 tackles and 2.5 sacks in preseason.

Angelo is gonna sign as many offensive linemen as possible this offseason, that both TE spots will be taken and we'll get up to a 3.6 ypc average


Jake Utler will start overthrowing his receivers by 15 yards, but only because Knox and Hester will be deemed as "too tall" for the Martz system, and Garett Wolfe and new WR convert DJ moore will be our go to guys.

Caleb Hanie, tired of Martz' putting him to the bottom of the depth chart will pull a "Jimmy Hoffa" on him, and Devin Hester will trip in the end zone due to a lack of proper leveling.

Lovie Smith will be supsended 4 games for failing a drug test after having a complete mental relapse after going into a Jim Mora rant about "this team" not making the playoffs at halftime of the first preseason game.



Jeff Samardzjia will realize he's wasting his life and barely beat out Fantuz for slot receiver.

Lance Briggs will crash 2 more cars, Urlacher will knock up 5 more strippers, and have the best seasons they've ever had.

Mikey, distraught over how badly the Broncos are playing, will outplay Brady Quinn (which is easier done than said) and when Tebow gets hit for trying to run head on into Urlacher and Briggs, will be out for the game. He will then go 1-27 for 8 INTs and come back to the board just to brag about the amazing shuffle pass to a running back that went for negative yards. That will also be the most yards gained by an opposing QB against he BEars this year.

Rodgers will continue to don his belt, but this year, they're gonna go ahead and crown our asses.