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Thread: Marshall Faces His BPD and Begins His Journey to Help Others.....

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    Mello Jello soulman's Avatar
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    Marshall Faces His BPD and Begins His Journey to Help Others.....

    Bears’ Brandon Marshall puts experience with BPD to good use

    BY SEAN JENSEN sjensen@suntimes.com July 22, 2012 9:00PM


    Brandon Marshall talks to attendees at the National Alliance on Mental Illness convention in June. | NAMI



    Updated: July 23, 2012 10:22AM


    SEATTLE — After a glowing introduction at the National Alliance on Mental Illness convention, before his keynote speech, Bears receiver Brandon Marshall directed the 250-plus people to a projection screen.



    The clip was from his yet-to-be-released documentary on his journey before and after treatment for Borderline Personality Disorder — when his wife, Michi Nogami-Marshall, called 911 after an incident at their home.


    The paradox of the moment at the NAMI convention nearly a month ago is hard to ignore: Marshall began one of his greatest honors with one of his lowest points.


    “Sometimes,” Marshall told the attendees, “you have to hit rock bottom before things change in your life.”


    For nearly an hour, Marshall candidly told his life story in gritty detail, challenged the stigmas against those with mental illnesses, offered solutions to aid potential patients and pledged his commitment to educate.


    “If it’s me suffering to help thousands, and maybe millions in the world, I wouldn’t change it for nothing,” Marshall said. “It started with me falling on my face.



    “If you want to change, it starts with yourself.”


    Marshall wants to help the Bears win the Super Bowl, and their season starts in earnest Tuesday, when players report to training camp at Olivet Nazarene University in Bourbonnais, Ill. But he embraces what he believes is his larger calling.


    “Showing people out there that, basically, where they’re at, where there is no light, and seeing me go from there [the 911 incident] with no light to the end of the tunnel, where there’s freedom,” Marshall says. “I want to use this platform to help others.”


    Marshall captivated the diverse crowd. Dr. Marsha Linehan, who developed the popular Dialectical Behavior Therapy, planned to attend for a few minutes, then head home to prepare for house guests. “I had to listen to the rest of it,” Linehan said. “I was quite impressed.”


    Angela Sprague, 25, was inspired by Marshall’s speech, and she was among more than two dozen people who approached him afterward. As a teenager, she attempted suicide by cutting herself. Yet doctors told her family it was “normal” behavior.


    A single mother of three, Sprague’s troubles intensified until she was diagnosed with BPD 21/2 years ago. She’s using Linehan’s treatment program, and she felt a connection with Marshall. “I’ve never met anyone else with BPD, not that I know of,” Sprague said. “It was great to hear his story, and it encourages me to want to tell my story.”


    Second chance


    Public speaking doesn’t come easy to Marshall.


    “I still consider myself a rookie, and I get more nervous before a speech then I do before a football game,” Marshall said. “For some reason, I always get butterflies. It’s nerve-wracking for me, before the speech, because I want to articulate my powerful story and hopefully have an impact on someone.”
    He has assisted plenty of people through Project Borderline, a foundation he created that was inspired by his own journey of discovery.


    Last year, during the offseason, Mike Sims-Walker stayed at his Miami house while they worked out together. Marshall’s roommate and teammate at Central Florida, Sims-Walker noticed something amiss with his friend. “ ‘What’s wrong with you?’ ” Marshall recalled Sims-Walker asking.


    Marshall seemingly had it all: a wife, three dogs, a massive contract and a mansion with a pool, home theater and basketball court. “I’ve accomplished everything I set out to accomplish,” Marshall said. “So I asked myself, ‘What’s the point?’ “I didn’t know.”


    He said he visited at least a dozen professionals in four years, and he couldn’t find an answer that made any sense to him. But after the 911 call, Marshall remembered lamenting “wasted opportunities,” and he asked God for another chance to “do your will.”


    In May 2011, Marshall checked into McLean Hospital in Belmont, Mass., which is ranked among the nation’s best for mental health care and research, and immersed himself in the tenets of DBT. He particularly embraced “radical acceptance,” which encourages a person to stop fighting their reality and accept it.


    “Everyone’s journey is different, and DBT gives you the skills and things that you may need just to regulate your emotions,” Marshall said. “It’s kind of like a playbook. For me, it doesn’t matter where I’m at in my life, I will always keep my notes and use those skills.”


    Marshall has a budding relationship with Dr. Linehan, whom he visited during a luncheon at the NAMI convention, then at a special reception at her home in the evening. The two have bonded because she, too, has been diagnosed with BPD and survived at least two suicide attempts and 26 months of hospitalization.
    But she committed herself to helping others, earning a Ph.D. at Loyola in Chicago, pioneering DBT, authoring books and directing the behavioral research and therapy clinics at the University of Washington.


    “She’s probably the biggest success story in BPD that’s out there,” Marshall said. “You always want to join arms with someone whose mission is the same as your’s.


    “She’s been on this journey longer than me, and I can learn a lot from her.”
    Dr. Linehan applauded Marshall for his willingness to share his story, given the lack of prominent people who have come forward.


    “I think his doing it is really wonderful,” she said. “It’s just like when Magic Johnson came out with AIDS. But I very much caution younger people that you have to be very careful because many people will stigmatize.”


    His game


    There are lofty expectations for Marshall in Chicago, for a number of reasons. First, there’s the void at the receiver position. The last Bear to top 1,000 receiving yards was Marty Booker in 2002. Second, there’s Marshall’s credentials. He’s a three-time Pro Bowl selection who has topped 1,000 yards in his last five seasons.


    Marshall also posted impressive numbers with quarterback Jay Cutler when they were with the Denver Broncos. Marshall, though, isn’t putting too much pressure on himself.


    “I just have to understand my role on this team and in this organization and stick to it,” he said. “The only person I have to prove something to is the man above. I definitely appreciate the fans and the love that I’ve received so far, and I want to play to the best of my ability week in and week out to give them something to cheer about.


    “But I’m just excited about another opportunity to play another season in the NFL. That’s the only thing on my mind: winning a Super Bowl this year. The way we’re going to get there is each guy knowing his role.”


    As for those who might want him to fail or add to his list of mistakes, Marshall said, “I’m smart enough to know that’s how the world works sometimes, especially when it comes to successful people and those who have been though some things. But I try not to spend time on that.”


    Instead, he focuses on how to improve himself and juggle the delicate balance of being a beast on the field but not off it. “That was another hard area through this journey,” he said. “It was tough. Cameras on me. Playing in a violent sport and people watching for your reaction. Sometimes you feel like you’re walking on eggshells.


    “But where I am today, I’m not a new person, I’m just a better person. I’m going to play with more emotion, but it’s going to be productive emotion. And if I mess up, I’m going to be a man and stand up and say I messed up.”


    Marshall, though, has one request: Be open-minded about him.


    “No one really knows my story but me,” he said. “The things people may read or hear isn’t really my story. So I think it’s important, when I’m in a situation where I can speak, to be candid so people can understand who I am and what I’ve been through and who I am today.


    “No one on this earth is perfect.”
    I'm getting to that age where a lifetime warranty just doesn't mean as much to me anymore as an afternoon nap.



    Honey Badger Don't Care. Honey Badger Don't Give a Shit.


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    Mello Jello soulman's Avatar
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    It's great to see an individual come out from under the shadows of a severe mental illness and experience life on it's own terms. It's a tremendous and almost magical experience when you feel that burden lift.

    Once you realize it's something you have that will never go away a very unhealthy fear sets in and you wonder if you'll ever be able to function normally again and whether or not people would accept you if they new. You have to face that fear head on in order to overcome it and it appears that's just what Brandon is doing.

    You have to stand up and applaud the guy for making these efforts not only to turn his life around but to reach out to others in order to help them turn there's around too. A year or so ago who would have ever thought we'd see this version of Brandon Marshall?

    I was totally opposed to acquiring him when the rumors started flying about Jay being interested in the Bears trading for him and texting him about getting #15 out of mothballs. I wouldn't have signed him for free and I posted as much here.

    I'm glad Phil Emery never read my post, LOL. If Marshall keeps heading in the direction he's going he may end up being a candidate for the NFL man of the year rather than a lengthy suspension and we will have pulled off the biggest heist since the Boston armored car robbery.
    I'm getting to that age where a lifetime warranty just doesn't mean as much to me anymore as an afternoon nap.



    Honey Badger Don't Care. Honey Badger Don't Give a Shit.


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    Certified Oline Zealot JustAnotherBearsFan99's Avatar
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    I'm really pulling for him to keep his life in order moving forward. I've always admired people who can overcome big problems in life.
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    Interesting...but I believe that whole BPD is a bunch of crap. Just an excuse for people who are naturally a-holes, to have cover when they decide to be a-holes. Flame away but many know its true deep down. And quite frankly. I'm tired of seeing this phony condition being advanced as some legitimate 'mental health' issue. I guarantee you that the real damage gets done when people put their brains on all those medications that are not safe one bit.

    And don't mess with me, I'm in a manic state right now. So I can't be held accountable for what I may type.

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    Certified Oline Zealot JustAnotherBearsFan99's Avatar
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    Mello Jello soulman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigBadPapaBear View Post
    Interesting...but I believe that whole BPD is a bunch of crap. Just an excuse for people who are naturally a-holes, to have cover when they decide to be a-holes. Flame away but many know its true deep down. And quite frankly. I'm tired of seeing this phony condition being advanced as some legitimate 'mental health' issue. I guarantee you that the real damage gets done when people put their brains on all those medications that are not safe one bit.

    And don't mess with me, I'm in a manic state right now. So I can't be held accountable for what I may type.
    But these conditions, both the psychological and the physiologically caused, are very real brother and if you had one you wouldn't wish it on your worst enemy. It isn't a cover for just being a dyed in the wool asshole and people are held accountable for what they do in those "altered states". The cops don't just not arrest you or your wife doesn't avoid divorcing you just because you light up like a sky rocket every once in a while. That's not an acceptable excuse. Been there, done that, so trust me on this.

    Understanding and forgiveness isn't anywhere near as easy as you might believe and over the years you pay the price for it many times over. I know I have lost past friendships that will never be recovered. These "mental health issues" typically come with a nice assortment of addictions to battle along with periodic (or not so periodic) psychotic episodes that are really guaranteed to make you one of the least popular people on your block.

    Nobody invites you to the neighborhood BBQ just to watch you get drunk, start foaming at the mouth, start tearing off your clothes (your wife's, or someone else's wife's) and suggest a little neighborly co-ed naked hot tubbing. Then one day your employer stops overlooking your frequent arrests or calling in sick 5 days in a row for the third time in a year and you lose both the job (or business) and the wife along with your kids. And there's no faster way to turn a really good manic episode into a suicidal depression than that.

    I agree with you about the meds though. Improperly prescribed and taken for some they can do more damage than good. It's not an exact science and there are some doctors who shouldn't go anywhere near psychotropic drugs because they don't know what the fuck they're doing (I've run into more than a few of those). But for some of us who have spent years of trial and error with little success before arriving at that magical "just right" daily chemical cocktail we take it's what keeps us balanced. But even then only about 80% of the time as you all recently saw in my case.

    No it's very real. Nobody in their right mind would fake this shit and I'm sure Brandon Marshall isn't faking his BPD either. It hasn't exactly gotten him a ton of friends or trust around the league and despite being an All Pro WR it's gotten his ass traded twice during a very productive six year career not to mention a less than envious arrest record and who knows how many broken relationships scattered along it's path.

    I was once engaged to a woman with a BPD. Wow, just imagine what a marriage between me with my then uncontrolled Bi-Polar disorder and her untreated BPD would have produced. We'd have probably set the Colorado record for domestic violence related arrests and DUI's. These days I thank my lucky stars I dodged that bullet. They won't give you fan site message board privileges in the county jail, LOL.

    No, these illnesses are very real but fortunately they are treatable. Sometimes not so easily but if you stay at it eventually you do find some hope. Part of the process of healing is to do just what Brandon Marshall is doing and what I will do sometimes too in a more private manner. You talk about it with others who may be experiencing the same thing to give them hope that there are treatments and solutions which do work. You're a living example of that and you do what you can to help them find solutions that may work for them too.

    He just may be saving some lives out there by doing this so he should be praised for it, not scorned.

    Well that's today's sermon from "Soul's Soapbox". Sorry guys, I didn't mean to preach so long but saying these things aren't real is like denying that diabetes or cancer or heart disease are just part of our imagination too.

    I don't have any of those fortunately but I do have a Bi-Polar II disorder and I've had it for over 15 years that I know of. It's very real and it won't ever go away so I realize that it's gonna be a 24/7/365 days per year challenge for the rest of my life and for everyone's sake including my own I need to learn how to deal with it effectively.

    I just think Brandon Marshall woke up to that same realization about a year ago and this is what he's doing about it.

    I'm getting to that age where a lifetime warranty just doesn't mean as much to me anymore as an afternoon nap.



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    Certified Oline Zealot JustAnotherBearsFan99's Avatar
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    Great post Soul.

    People struggle with stuff. It doesn't make them crazy, weak or whatever. It's just part of life I think. I'm a recovering alcoholic. Alcohol came close to destroying me and my life. The good news is I haven't had a drink in a long time. This year I celebrated my 30th year of sobriety. But I know that I'm never "over" it. It's always something I have to deal with, even now. I will until the day I die.

    I've just been taking life one day at a time, and all of a sudden I woke up and had 30 years behind me with no problems. I thank the good Lord for it too. I've got a good wife and good kids. Life is good.

    That's why I'm always pulling for a guy like Brandon Marshall to overcome problems. I've been there too.
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    Mello Jello soulman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JustAnotherBearsFan99 View Post
    Great post Soul.

    People struggle with stuff. It doesn't make them crazy, weak or whatever. It's just part of life I think. I'm a recovering alcoholic. Alcohol came close to destroying me and my life. The good news is I haven't had a drink in a long time. This year I celebrated my 30th year of sobriety. But I know that I'm never "over" it. It's always something I have to deal with, even now. I will until the day I die.

    I've just been taking life one day at a time, and all of a sudden I woke up and had 30 years behind me with no problems. I thank the good Lord for it too. I've got a good wife and good kids. Life is good.

    That's why I'm always pulling for a guy like Brandon Marshall to overcome problems. I've been there too.
    Congrats on that 99. Addictions are terrible clutching monsters too. One day you think you're nothing but a heavy drinker (although others are telling you it's more than that....and they're right) and the next day you realize that if you don't drink you're gonna be sicker than a dog for a day or more. THEN you realize they were probably right but the monster has you in it's grip and sobriety won't come easy.

    I've been down that road too. A Bi-Polar Disorder with it's tornado like existence imbedded with driving sheets of Vodka, Rum, or the flavor of the day and hail stones that for some reason looked a lot like ice cubes, LOL. "The Perfect Storm". Luckily they don't have an amusement park ride that scary or nobody would ride it by choice. Not even for free. When I think of all the money I spent on that ride it was far from free. The even crazier thing is that just when it's about to end you stand up and scream "I want to go again". Insanity in it's highest form.

    The wife is long gone and really not missed but my kid's aren't and they're the ones who stood by me and got me through it all. They never lost their love of or faith in old Dad and that kind of commitment you don't ever turn away from. In addition to myself they're the ones I hold myself accountable to now. I'm a very lucky guy and on top of that they don't ever bug me about how many guitars I own or how much football I watch. Three of the four are huge football fans. So I'm doubly blessed.

    Unfortunately though two are avid Packers fans and one is an avid Broncos fan but ya' can't have it all I guess. However my grandson is into Madden Football, Peyton Manning and football jersey's big time and this year for his Bday he gets a Bears jersey whether his mother likes it or not, haha. I feel pretty safe in knowing that he won't let her burn it or wash it in bleach but maybe I should get him a white one just in case.

    Sorry guys, I didn't mean to hijack this thread into a personal true confessions but realizing that the first step in solving a problem is to admit that one exists goes hand in hand with what Brandon Marshall has done and now he's into step two and three. Get help, then help others suffering as you are. It's an approach that works more often than not and it's what makes me believe that as long as he stays on this path most of his past problems are behind him and we got ourselves one hell of a football player.
    I'm getting to that age where a lifetime warranty just doesn't mean as much to me anymore as an afternoon nap.



    Honey Badger Don't Care. Honey Badger Don't Give a Shit.


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    Banned BigBadPapaBear's Avatar
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    Soul there are a lot of people out there who lack impulse control for various reasons. I believe there are legitimate 'mental health' issues out there as well as people behaving in odd ways because of brain injuries. I do not believe the 'Bi-polar' condition is a legitimate one. In fact, its some of the biggest horseshit going around in the mental health field. A lot of 'mental health' issues aren't even biological problems. They are more a spiritual and emotional problem that runs deep, from early childhood in many cases. A lot of guilt and condemnation is also the true issue at the core of many so called 'mental health' issues. Ok BBPB just fired both barrels at you.

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    Mello Jello soulman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigBadPapaBear View Post
    Soul there are a lot of people out there who lack impulse control for various reasons. I believe there are legitimate 'mental health' issues out there as well as people behaving in odd ways because of brain injuries. I do not believe the 'Bi-polar' condition is a legitimate one. In fact, its some of the biggest horseshit going around in the mental health field. A lot of 'mental health' issues aren't even biological problems. They are more a spiritual and emotional problem that runs deep, from early childhood in many cases. A lot of guilt and condemnation is also the true issue at the core of many so called 'mental health' issues. Ok BBPB just fired both barrels at you.
    Well then you believe just the opposite of what I believe and have experienced but since you don't have a Bi-Polar disorder, or at least one that's been diagnosed, how do you propose to tell me or anyone else who is Bi-Polar that you know it's all just horseshit? Isn't that like telling someone the moon doesn't exist just because you've never been there?

    I'm curious. With all due respect, please tell me what makes you think that it's not a very real biochemical condition? What school of medicine did you attend or what accredited research studies on mental illness bear your name? I realize that for some it's difficult to accept that something exists that they've never experienced themselves. But....if you can believe China is there even if you've never visited and you can believe heart attacks are real but have never had one you should be able to believe someone whose been to China or had a heart attack and described them to you shouldn't you?

    Well that's all I'm doing brother and you don't even take my unsupported word for it. When you have the time and the inclination see if you can find a copy of the book "Moodswing" by Ronald Fieve, MD. He's the guy who finally convinced the medical community that Bi-Polarity was not some other form of Schizophrenia and that traditional treatments for Schizophrenics wouldn't work. That was in the 50's mind you and he pioneered the successful treatment of some pretty hardcore cases using lithium to bring patients down from manic highs. Lithium is a common earth element similar to salt. If there was no biological cause then introducing a common substance found both in nature and in our bodies should have had no affect. If it's all in your head no chemical or substance known to man is gonna help it.

    That is the case with many psychological illnesses which do respond to talk therapy with it's many different variants but it's not the case with a biochemically based mental illness. You can talk it blue but it ain't goin' away that way alone. Been there and tried that too when I still believed as you do now. It usually takes a combination of both because that kind of an illness has both psychological and physiological causes and both need to be dealt with. Fix just one and you still leave the other behind. It took a very long time before they got that one figured out. Psychiatry isn't exactly the most cutting edge of the medical professions.

    It's real, trust me, and no matter what the cause if it was not biochemical than pharmacology wouldn't help, but it does. Virtually every form of mental illness, even a mild depression, has a biochemical element to it. It's true that not all create or are caused by a permanent imbalance but as it stands Bi-Polarity isn't one of them. Modern medicine has no idea how to cure it only to treat it and hopefully control it. I hope it won't always be that way and that tomorrow may be different but today it is so that's my reality.

    It makes no difference what initiated a mental disorder and some of the things you list are precipitating causes. A traumatic event in childhood or adulthood, a spiritual upheaval, guilt, condemnation, an emotional loss such as a death, financial strife. All of these things and more can trigger mental illness and it can't just be removed surgically like a gall bladder or your tonsils or even a cancerous tumor and it makes you all better.

    In many cases medical science still doesn't know exactly what goes on inside the brain that causes mental illness to appear or to disappear. It doesn't show up on an Xray or a CAT Scan and it's not like they can open you up to take a look at it, reroute some neurotransmitters the way they might do with a blocked artery, and make you healthy again. They could see blood clots in my lungs on a Cat Scan and knew how to dissolve those but they can't take anything out of or put anything in my head that will fix a mood swing. It doesn't dissolve either.

    By using some advanced investigative diagnostic techniques like Chromatic tomography they're beginning to be able to map the brain of individuals with mental illness and compare them with the brains of those who do not. Their making progress in understanding how some of it works and what parts of the brain are affected by what illness. They can chart how certain medications affect those areas as well so they're making progress but no one's called me yet this week to tell me to come on in. They have it all figured out now.

    By a conservative estimate about 27% of the US population is experiencing some form of mental illness right now, some mild depressions but some very severe psychotic disorders. They say that one in four of us is crazy to some degree. So go talk about this with three of your friends and if they're all OK then it's YOU! LOL A little black humor to lighten it up a bit.

    There are people who are severely mentally ill running around and not even diagnosed. They don't even count in those statistics until the either seek help or do what that gutless insane bastard did this weekend here in Colorado. Telling him to go home and make himself a cup of hot chamomile tea, relax, curl up with a good book and get a good nights rest wouldn't have prevented that. The guy was dangerously, criminally insane and who knew????

    Do you believe that alcoholism is an illness of just a lack of willpower or impulse control? Is it just a character flaw? Are most alcoholics just low life bums and failures? No matter what you believe it's an illness that has long been thought to be actually be caused by an allergy to alcohol itself. How about that theory? Most of us would think that if you're allergic to something you avoid it like the plague. Some allergies are severe enough to kill you. So is an allergy to alcohol because of the way it works.

    With a true alcoholic the alcohol causes an adverse reaction which creates a craving so intense that they actually can't stop drinking. You could be sneezing, coughing, sweating and breaking out in red blotches and hives all over your body but you just gotta keep on drinking. Once you start there's no stopping until the booze is gone (then you just get more), you pass out and fall asleep or you do the biggie and die of alcohol poisoning. And the funny thing is despite the fact that you know all of this to be true it won't stop you from drinking. Nobody can break that pattern unless you do it yourself. Same with drug addictions. These are just one more form of mental illness that also have a pretty profound physical effect too.

    You gotta believe what you believe brother. Nobody will convince you differently unless you choose to be convinced. And the funny thing is in that way you have your own form of an addiction by clinging to beliefs that should have been destroyed 50 years ago when we finally stopped hiding people away at the "funny farm" because they were "different", just a little "off".

    I'm probably not the only person who will tell you that some of this shit is very real and in my case your hearing it from one who knows. It's not second hand hearsay from someone who told me how nuts his brother-in-law is or something. The trip into hell was a fairly short one but the wait for a return flight seemed to take forever. Lots of people trying to get out but limited space on the shuttle, LOL.

    I'm not looking for sympathy, credit or anything like that. It is what it is, was what is was and will be what it will be. Some of the wounds were self-inflicted and some where not but I take responsibility for all of them. I have to. It was my life and I was the only one who could do anything about it. You can't be an ostrich sticking your head in the sand pretending that a problem doesn't exist and I believe that like some Brandon Marshall took his head out of the sand and faced his fear then decided to do something about it.

    So don't take offense when I say that I'd like to see others like yourself take their heads out of the sand and quit playing ostrich by not believing some of this shit is very real. It would be a big help to us who know that it is. We need the healthy ones to be our mirrors. To tell us, "man you're being weird, wtf is wrong with you"? "You need to get yourself looked at". It always amazes me that a friend who watched you bumping into things would tell you, "man you need to get an eye exam, you need glasses". But they could watch you bumping into life itself and never utter a word because "mental illness" or "addiction" is a bad word and maybe your just being an asshole or you like being a raging drunk.

    I'm not a weak person intellectually or emotionally or even physically but this shit can destroy all of that in a heartbeat and I know that for a fact. You can believe it. It happened.
    I'm getting to that age where a lifetime warranty just doesn't mean as much to me anymore as an afternoon nap.



    Honey Badger Don't Care. Honey Badger Don't Give a Shit.


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