'Twas the Night Before Bearsmas
‘Twas the night before Bearsmas and up at Halas Hall,
Not a creature was stirring, another offensive stall.
The helmets were hung by the lockers with care,
In hopes that a new coach soon would be there.
The players were huddled in meetings all day,
As dreams of the playoffs faded farther away.
Phil Emery's in his office, Lovie in his Traditions B cap,
Had just settled down for a late-season nap.
When out on Football Drive there arose such a clatter,
They sprang to the window to see what was the matter.
When what to their wondering eyes did appear,
But a torch-bearing mob drawing nearer.
The angry mob charged forward, like out of a myth,
The chants only grew louder – FIRE LOVIE SMITH!
When out of the Hall bearing her pappy’s name,
Virginia appeared and she was doing the same!
“Out Lovie, out Tice, out Marinelli, and Toub,
Pack up your shit and don’t forget, J'Marcus Webb!
Throwing the challenge flag, Lovie felt spurned,
But in typical fashion, this call would not be overturned.
“We get off the bus running and play Cover-2,
It’s not just my defense; what about all the picks Jay Cutler threw?”
Phil Emery protested and made a desperate plea,
“I bring in great players, so don't blame me.”
So the coaches headed out, all stripped of their power
While Virginia picked up the phone to dial up Bill Cowher!
Lovie turned back exclaiming in his Big Sandy drawl,
Jay Cutlers is our quarterback, Merry Christmas to all!”