Thread: Airline fixes.....

This was posted many moons ago but thought it was ripe for return trip.

These are actual maintenance complaints submitted by Quantas Airlines pilots (P) and the solutions recorded by the airlines maintenance engineers (M).

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacment.

M: Almost replaced left inside main tire.


P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

M: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.


P: Something loose in cockpit.

M: Something tightend in cockpit.


P: Dead bugs on windshield.

M: Live bugs on backorder.


P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

M: Evidence removed.


P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

M: DME volume set to more believable level.


P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

M: That's what friction locks are for.


P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

M: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.


P: Suspected crack in windshield.

M: Suspect you're right.


P: Number 3 engine missing.

M: Engine found on right wing after brief search.


P: Aircraft handles funny.

M: Aircraft warned to straighten up and fly right, and be serious.


P: Target radar hums.

M: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.


P: Mouse in copckpit.

M: Cat installed.


P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

M: Took hammer away from midget.



What bothers me the most is that as flyers we have our lives in these guys hands.