Brett Favres 1000 excuses
1) The receiver ran the wrong way
2) The grass was to green
3) My hamster died last night
4) Benard Berrian runs into triple coverage
5) No one on the teams speaks Mississippi
6) There is no wind resistance in domes
7) The temperature is not exactly 32.76 degrees
8) The sun was out
9) My shoes were put on the wrong feet
10) Adrian Peterson fumbles to much
11) My Car was broken into last night
12) I have a headache
13) The doctor called and found a tumor on my arm
14) My dog ran away
15) The TE drops to many balls
16) The coach had a brain fart
17) I didn't get 8 hours of sleep
18) J. Walker is holding out
19) I never had a good receiver
20) I never had a good running back
21) Urlacher was in my face all day
22) I was hungry
23) I pissed my pants
24) I have a bad dose of Vicodin
25) I was sober
26) I am color blind
27) I never learned how to read
28) Budweiser tastes better than Miller Light
29) The center had gas
30) The Defense sucks
31) I was day dreaming about retirement
32) The turf was to soft
33) I forgot who I was playing for
34) Warren Sapp Sat on me
35) The wind was to strong
36) Some one was flashing me.
37) Dick Butkus spit on the ball
38) My thumb was still sore
39) I was to drunk
40) I wanted to see how many ints I could throw in one game
41) The defense was to good
42) I was playing Dallas in Dallas
43) I broke a cleat
44) I didn't puke before the game
45) I had jock itch
46) The football was flat
47) My back hurts
48) I have 3 MVP trophy's
49) The people of Wisconsin are stupid
50) I was constipated
51) I over slept
52) The receiver dropped the ball again
53) The offensive coordinator called the play
54) I rely on the Hail Mary to much
55) The tundra was to soft
56) The tundra was to hard
57) I hit a bird with the football
58) The center didn't hike the ball with laces out
59) Someone flashed me with a laser pointer
60) My receivers are revolting against me
61) My wallet was to fat
62) Mike Holmgren threatened me last night
63) I had dirt in my eye
64) My helmet was on backwards
65) I have a blister on my finger
66) John Madden has his head stuck up my ass
67) The tight end retired before the game
68) The music was to loud
69) I switched religions
70) I can't read
71) Someone bit me on the arm
71) I hurt my ankle jumping in the stands
72) I didn't get my Gatorade
73) It was to hot to play
74) I forgot my name
75) I thought i was playing defense
76) I tried to throw my Ghost pass
77) The ref was in the way
78) The field is to narrow
79) I didn't have my lucky sock on
80) My uniform shrunk
81) I have tennis elbow
82) I saw looking for waldo in the stands
83) I had a bad dream last night
84) Alex Brown hurt me on the play
85) My offensive line is old
86) I am mad I didn't get my 4th MVP
87) Nick Barnett tried to poked me in the eye
88) My balls itch to much
89) The running back is gay
90) I had a dream that Ron Turner was my offensive coordinator
91) My knee was down but the ref didn't see that
92) My wife is pregnant
93) Ninjas stole the playbook
94) I placed a bet against the Vikings
95) I am home sick
96) I see dead people on the field
97) I didn't pack my teddy bear
98) I have a toof ache
99) I taut I taut a putty tat
100 I have never had a losing season
101) The receiver didn't jump for the ball
102)The Coach doesn't like me
103)The WR is stupid
104)The Bears defense is to good
105)My hands are too large
106)I got kicked in the head
107)The dog chewed up my lucky sock
108)I bit my tongue
109)I never learned how to read
110)Madden doesn't love me anymore
111)I don't play well on Mondays anymore
112)The NFL won't let me wear green shoes
113)Thomas Jones threatened to beat me up
114)The OC called the wrong play
115)Davenport didn't wipe his butt
116)My house was egged last night
117)I had a nightmare last night
118)The IRS called me last night
119)I have a secret admirer named Johnny
120)Deanna has PMS
121)My back hurts from sleeping on the couch last night
122)My beer was stale
123)My kid lost his school books again
124)Grandma was stuck in the attic
125)The wind was loud last night
126)My cars AC was broken
127)It is my time of the month
128)I really hate the cheesehat
129)I have flashbacks of 4th and 26
130)The DC quit the team
131)The running back is hurt
132)The FB can't catch
133)Urlacher spit on the ball
134)I have the Shits
135)My kid flunked school
136)Chuck Norris kicked me in the head
137)The ball was deflated
138)The ball was over inflated
139)I forgot the play
140)I will only Play for Sherman
141)The QB coach doesn't like me
142)My fathead picture makes me look fat
143)Sidney Rice did not play today
144)Greenbay put a curse on me
145)The Vikings suck
146)I didn't get voted to the probowl
147)Hutchinsen missed a block
148)The fullback broke his thumb
149)Mangini named his child after me.
150)Mike brown hit me in the head
151)I didn't see lance Briggs
152)The football laces were dirty
153)I didn't get a raise
154)Marvin Harrison doesn't play for the Vikings
155)I didn't read the Sunday comics
156)The remote control doesn't work
157)I have a brain tumor
158)The center peed his pants
159)A fan took the ball from my hand
160)The burger king guy doesn't play for the Vikings
161)Tavaris Jackson is a better QB than me
162)Percy Harvin hurt his leg
163)Adrian Peterson is holding out for more money
164)Howard Cosell came to me in a dream and called me stupid
165)I am scared of my shadow
166)The second and third string didn't play today
167)I didn't know this game was important
168)I have a sore thumb playing videogames
169)I could not find my car keys
170)My wife is having an affair
171)Donald driver would have caught that pass
172)The safety hit me in the back
173)Nathan Vasher jumped in front of the receiver
174)I threw the ball with my left hand
175)I have turf Toe
176)I just found out Santa Clause is not real
177)Katrina destroyed my childhood home
178)The dog buried the playbook
179)The WR fell down
180)Someone flashed me in the stands
181)I found out I was adopted
182)I have Amnesia
183)TO called me gay
184)Someone stole my identify
185)The doctor called and my brain was not ready
186) I didn't had my snickers candy bar today
187) I am sober
188) I have leg cramps
189) I didn't get laid last night
190) I got arrested last night
191) My shoes made me look fat
192) The fieldgoal kicker kicked my hand instead of the ball
193) I have nothing to prove anymore
194) Jeff Garcia asked me out on a date before the game
195) I got lost in the parking lot
196) I have a hairball caught in my throat
197) The center threw up on the ball
198) I saw Warren Sapp nude in my dreams
199) The center stepped on my foot
200) My wife cut her finger
201) Mike Tice didn't get me Superbowl tickets
202)Archie Manning called me overrated
203)The ref is blind
204)The ref interfered with the pass
205)The TE broke his leg
206)The media asked me if I was going to retire
207)Grandma baked a pie with bad apples
208)I lost my pants on the floor
209)I have a rash on my butt
210)My chin strap is loose
211)My barber cut my hair to short
212)I got a tattoo on my butt
213)It snowed last night
214)I want a new contract
215)My arm was tired from masturbating last night
216)I donated my vicodin to charity
217)I have split personalities
218)Reggie white didn't say his prayer during the game
219)Bart Starr called me a wuss
220)Aaron Rodger stabbed me in the back
221)Someone tied my shoelaces together
222)I have flash backs of Ahman Green fumbling the ball
223)I have an outer body experience last night
224)My Spine was crooked
225)Last call for alcohol
226)I didn't puke before the game
227)I watched the movie the replacements and it scared me
228)I got horny watching the cheerleaders grazing in the field at halftime
229)I dropped the soap in the shower
230)I didn't save any money be switching to gecko
231)Dan Marino keeps sending me death threats
232)I was worried about my acting career
233)Deanna's sisters/brothers cousin was arrested last night
234)The media stopped talking to me
235)Someone spiked my water bottle
236)I am having Vicodin withdraws
237)I found out my favorite sheep died last night
238)The packers called me Bert
239)I am still a 3 time MVP
240)Those INTs are not his fault because I has no running game
241)Purple Jerseys make me look gay
242)Someone put Liquid heat in favres jock
243)A bird flew in front of my pass and deflected it
244)That was my clone that played
245)The Viagra didn't wear off
246)I stopped smoking
247)I found out who the Real Batman was
248)I didn't want to get hurt
249)I like the perfect spiral
250)The offensive line sucks.
251) I broke a toenail.
252)wins don't matter anymore because I am a shoe in Hall of Farmer
253)I broke up with my special man-friend last night.
254)I've got a Boyle on my ass that feels like petting a chihuahua.
255) I got my dick stuck in a Sheep and I couldn't do the 5 step drop
256)I found out the center was on Americas most wanted
257)My nose was bleeding
258)Childress yelled at me
259)Someone broke into my house
260)I had a bad dream about hurricane Ditka
261)I am going to be in the sequel to something about Mary
262)Deanna is disappointed in me
263)I forgot the play count
264)The defense was lucky
265)I jammed my thumb on a helmet
266)My jersey was dirty
267)My jock strap was on backwards
268)The center tried to kiss me
269)There was a recall on my favre dolls
270)Bart Starr took a dump in my helmet
271)I could not hear the play called in
272)Walker,Green,Davenport,Ferguson and Franks were making fun of me
273)I found out my kids are really Lynn Dicky's
274)The defense keeps giving up more pts
275)I have a secret admirer
276)There was a heat wave in Kiln Mississippi
277)I left the water running at the house
278)I was drafted into the army
279)My brother lost his keys to the house
280)Grandma was busted for smoking grass
281)Parris Hilton keeps leaving messages on my phone
282)Teddy Thompson put a bounty out on my head
283)I saw my shadow which means 3 more ints today
284)Jarred Alled reminds me of Jesus Christ
285)I have a cramp in my hand
286)I was thirsty on that play
287)Someone called my mom a bitch
288)Someone was reflecting the sun in my eyes with a mirror
289)Someone knocked on my door at 2:00 A.M.
290)I have a tee time after the game
291)I was mad at Percy Harvin
292)I can still play ball with better receivers
293)My leg was broken
294)I had a dream about John Madden in a thong
295)someone tried to kill me last night
296)I was dizzy from playing ring around the rosey
297)Someone switched my helmet with the punters
298)I missed out on the Love Boat
299)The Packerfans were booing at me
300)The cat had kitens last night
301)Chester Taylor ran out of bounds
302)I hate cold weather
303)Michael Irvin left his crack pipe in my car
304)My parole officer gave me a body search
305)Pat Williams hugged me to tight and hurt my back
306)I pulled my hamstring running off the field
307)Someone puked on my shoes
308)My helmet visor was scratched
309)Some cheesehead Flashed me.
310)My girlfriend is pregnant
311)Someone is blackmailing me
312)I am the one and only
313)The Sheep farm burned down last night
314)My college friends kept me up all night
315)I lost my virginity last night
316)The Jets released me
317)Sterling Sharp called me a bum
318)Kevin Green made me puke on the field
319)There was turf stuck on my helmet
320)The "Horn" on my helmet fell off
321)Someone put stick em on the football
322)I have tennis elbow
323)My pinkie finger is infected
324)Someone stepped on my good hand
325)I riped my pants on the field
326)Someone kicked my in the groin
327)I have wax build up in my ear
328)Someone gave me a wedgie
329)We didn't play the Seahawks in this game
330)A witch doctor put a spell on me
331)I stepped in dog poop
332)The mob broke my hand with a hammer
333)I failed a drug test(vicodin)
334)I only care about the TD record
335)Someone dared me to throw the game away
336)I hate the west coast offense
337)I had to put the dog down
338) I lost my SB ring at the cleaners
339)I didn't go to church today
340)I struck a deal with the devil
341) I was exposed to cryptomite
342)Someone hit me in the arm with a lead pipe
343)I had razor burn
344)My eyebrows were burned off
345)Men in Black zapped the center
346)The Packers have 12 championships
347)George W Bush made me throw the football to the wrong team
348)Percy Harvin has headaches
349)I ball was dirty
350)I had a stuffy nose
351)The light went off
352)The viking mascot threaten to kick my but
353)There was a 40 mile per hour wind
354)The Moons gravity cause the ball to float
355)The earth was spinning to fast
356)I tore my ACL and MCL
357)Mike Ditka called me a sissy boy
358)I landed on my keys
359)There was a rock in my shoe
360)I had a knee burn
361)I had a sun burn
362)Troy Aikmen was playing against me
363)We played on Thursday instead of Sunday
364)I drank to much coffee
365)A Tornado destroyed my barn
366)I was having an emotional break down today
367)The Packers signed TO
368)Kevin Williams bit my finger off
369)We played the game in a dome
370)We lost the game as a team not my 6 turnovers.
371)I didn't want to mess my hair up
372)Chuck Norris kicked my in the head and butt
373)Chester Taylor refused to catch the ball
374)The field was to short
375)The ref called the play dead
376)I was thinking of retiring again
377)Someone grabbed my face mask
378)The refs don't like me anymore
379)Steve Young has a voodoo doll of me with needles stuck in me
380)Madden didn't put me on his cover
381)There was a power failure in the day time
382)I was watching the jumbo TV screen
383)I only throw 1 yard TD passes
384) Berrian didn't get 2 feet down
385)I wanted to give Strahan the Sack record
386)Charles tillman hit me in the back
387)I don't like playing for the packers anymore
388)The smelling salt was tainted
389)It was snowing real bad
390)I rotator cuff is torn
391)My shoe lace broke
392)My glove has a hole in one of the fingers
393)Someone stuck gum on the ball
394)The Ball was too Round
395)I like the hail Mary pass play a lot
396)My shoes don't match
397)My pants keep falling down
398)I have fleas
399)I was involved in a 3 car accident last night
400)I had a cavity search before entering the stadium
401)My arm was in a cast
402)My goldfish was sick
403)I am suffering from food poisoning
404)Jerry McGuire screwed my contract
405)My pads made me look fat
406)I demand to be traded
407)I didn't have the oil changed in my car
408)I made a bet that I could throw 6 ints before getting pulled
409)Jeff Foxworthy called me a red neck
410) I was laying on the ground when I threw the ball to Vasher
411) Terrorist threaten to cut my head off
412)I was focusing on my retirement speech
413)I am worried about my job
414)The ref caught the ball
415) The ball was to hard
416)There was a riot in the stands
417)I ate a bad hotdog
418)There was no ice in the lockerroom
419)Longwell used my cellphone during non peak hours
420)Tommy Harris punched me in the gut
421)The packers burned my jersey
422)I was wondering what is a Packer?
423)Paul Horning placed a bet on the other team
424)Jim McMahon shaved my head
425)Davenport never washes his hands
426)I think I have H1n1
427)My dentist gave me to much novacane
428)Obama threatened to deport me
429)I had chicken pox
430)I quit smoking pole
431) I didn't eat my Wheaties for breakfast
432)The neighbors car alarm kept me up all night
433)My aftershave gave me a skin rash
434)My hormones are raging
435)I have hemorrhoids
436)we didn't have a team prayer before the game
437)Percy Harvin was injured today
438)A spider bit me on my non throwing arm
439)I have a blood clot in my arm(not sure which one)
440)The number was torn of my jersey
441)I was sacked real hard today
442)I have a kink in my neck
443)I was molested my by neighbor 20 years ago
444)I sneezed at the same time I through the ball
445)I need Tommy John surgery on my throwing arm
446)I finally saw the clip where LT broke Theismans leg.
447)We didn't lose the game we just ran out of time
448)I Miss mike holmgren coaching me
449)I have never recovered from Ray Rhodes coaching me
450)I saw a naked Indian man in my dream
451)That was not me playing
452)I Don't trust the WRs
453)The vikings and I don't agree with the play calling
454)I was thinking about my HOF speech
455)The center forgot to hike the ball
456)I just found out I was a test tube baby
457)I sprained my ankle again
458)I dislocated my ring finger
459)I didn't eat breakfast this morning
460)I was worried about my golf swing
461)I have stomach cancer
462)Some woman claims to be the mother of my children
463)I never met my real father
464)I found out my father is really my uncle
465)I cut my lip on a can of coke
466)I have a blister on my non index finger
467)The QB coach kissed me on my head and now he calls me everyday
468)I am rebelling against the packers organization
469)I only get 15% of all cheesehat sales
470)I am no longer the highest paid player in the league
471)Sidney Rice is to slow
472)I don't need no stinking play book, I am Bert Favre
473)I hurt my shoulder blocking for Ferguson
474)I have amnesia on the field
475)I called an audible and nobody heard it
476)These guys stink
477)I never lost a game when the temp was colder than 14 degrees
478)I won a superbowl 14 years ago
479)I drank some bad moonshine before the game
480)I just found out I suffer from dementia
481)Voices in my head told me to throw the ball
482)I never intend to throw and INT but it just happens
483)My mind was not in the game
484)My dog had puppies
485)I wife is suing me because I left the toilet seat up again
486)I was worried about getting a traffic ticket since my car was double parked
487)The team doctor wrapped my ankle to tight
488)I was stumped on my crossword puzzle
489)Someone left a burning bag on my porch last night.
490)I hurt myself at the sperm bank
491)I ment to throw the ball to the wrong person
492)Nobody wants to catch the ball anymore
493)I think I can still play the game
494)I didn't practice well this week
495)Jarred Allen saw me in the shower last night
496)I can't see well out of my left eye
497)I stepped in a gopher hole
498)My wife stabbed me in the leg with a fork
499)I had my fingernails done
500)Chad Johnson sent me a case of Pepto Bismol
