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Brett Favres 1000 excuses
1) The receiver ran the wrong way
2) The grass was to green
3) My hamster died last night
4) Benard Berrian runs into triple coverage
5) No one on the teams speaks Mississippi
6) There is no wind resistance in domes
7) The temperature is not exactly 32.76 degrees
8) The sun was out
9) My shoes were put on the wrong feet
10) Adrian Peterson fumbles to much
11) My Car was broken into last night
12) I have a headache
13) The doctor called and found a tumor on my arm
14) My dog ran away
15) The TE drops to many balls
16) The coach had a brain fart
17) I didn't get 8 hours of sleep
18) J. Walker is holding out
19) I never had a good receiver
20) I never had a good running back
21) Urlacher was in my face all day
22) I was hungry
23) I pissed my pants
24) I have a bad dose of Vicodin
25) I was sober
26) I am color blind
27) I never learned how to read
28) Budweiser tastes better than Miller Light
29) The center had gas
30) The Defense sucks
31) I was day dreaming about retirement
32) The turf was to soft
33) I forgot who I was playing for
34) Warren Sapp Sat on me
35) The wind was to strong
36) Some one was flashing me.
37) Dick Butkus spit on the ball
38) My thumb was still sore
39) I was to drunk
40) I wanted to see how many ints I could throw in one game
41) The defense was to good
42) I was playing Dallas in Dallas
43) I broke a cleat
44) I didn't puke before the game
45) I had jock itch
46) The football was flat
47) My back hurts
48) I have 3 MVP trophy's
49) The people of Wisconsin are stupid
50) I was constipated
51) I over slept
52) The receiver dropped the ball again
53) The offensive coordinator called the play
54) I rely on the Hail Mary to much
55) The tundra was to soft
56) The tundra was to hard
57) I hit a bird with the football
58) The center didn't hike the ball with laces out
59) Someone flashed me with a laser pointer
60) My receivers are revolting against me
61) My wallet was to fat
62) Mike Holmgren threatened me last night
63) I had dirt in my eye
64) My helmet was on backwards
65) I have a blister on my finger
66) John Madden has his head stuck up my ass
67) The tight end retired before the game
68) The music was to loud
69) I switched religions
70) I can't read
71) Someone bit me on the arm
71) I hurt my ankle jumping in the stands
72) I didn't get my Gatorade
73) It was to hot to play
74) I forgot my name
75) I thought i was playing defense
76) I tried to throw my Ghost pass
77) The ref was in the way
78) The field is to narrow
79) I didn't have my lucky sock on
80) My uniform shrunk
81) I have tennis elbow
82) I saw looking for waldo in the stands
83) I had a bad dream last night
84) Alex Brown hurt me on the play
85) My offensive line is old
86) I am mad I didn't get my 4th MVP
87) Nick Barnett tried to poked me in the eye
88) My balls itch to much
89) The running back is gay
90) I had a dream that Ron Turner was my offensive coordinator
91) My knee was down but the ref didn't see that
92) My wife is pregnant
93) Ninjas stole the playbook
94) I placed a bet against the Vikings
95) I am home sick
96) I see dead people on the field
97) I didn't pack my teddy bear
98) I have a toof ache
99) I taut I taut a putty tat
100 I have never had a losing season
101) The receiver didn't jump for the ball
102)The Coach doesn't like me
103)The WR is stupid
104)The Bears defense is to good
105)My hands are too large
106)I got kicked in the head
107)The dog chewed up my lucky sock
108)I bit my tongue
109)I never learned how to read
110)Madden doesn't love me anymore
111)I don't play well on Mondays anymore
112)The NFL won't let me wear green shoes
113)Thomas Jones threatened to beat me up
114)The OC called the wrong play
115)Davenport didn't wipe his butt
116)My house was egged last night
117)I had a nightmare last night
118)The IRS called me last night
119)I have a secret admirer named Johnny
120)Deanna has PMS
121)My back hurts from sleeping on the couch last night
122)My beer was stale
123)My kid lost his school books again
124)Grandma was stuck in the attic
125)The wind was loud last night
126)My cars AC was broken
127)It is my time of the month
128)I really hate the cheesehat
129)I have flashbacks of 4th and 26
130)The DC quit the team
131)The running back is hurt
132)The FB can't catch
133)Urlacher spit on the ball
134)I have the Shits
135)My kid flunked school
136)Chuck Norris kicked me in the head
137)The ball was deflated
138)The ball was over inflated
139)I forgot the play
140)I will only Play for Sherman
141)The QB coach doesn't like me
142)My fathead picture makes me look fat
143)Sidney Rice did not play today
144)Greenbay put a curse on me
145)The Vikings suck
146)I didn't get voted to the probowl
147)Hutchinsen missed a block
148)The fullback broke his thumb
149)Mangini named his child after me.
150)Mike brown hit me in the head
151)I didn't see lance Briggs
152)The football laces were dirty
153)I didn't get a raise
154)Marvin Harrison doesn't play for the Vikings
155)I didn't read the Sunday comics
156)The remote control doesn't work
157)I have a brain tumor
158)The center peed his pants
159)A fan took the ball from my hand
160)The burger king guy doesn't play for the Vikings
161)Tavaris Jackson is a better QB than me
162)Percy Harvin hurt his leg
163)Adrian Peterson is holding out for more money
164)Howard Cosell came to me in a dream and called me stupid
165)I am scared of my shadow
166)The second and third string didn't play today
167)I didn't know this game was important
168)I have a sore thumb playing videogames
169)I could not find my car keys
170)My wife is having an affair
171)Donald driver would have caught that pass
172)The safety hit me in the back
173)Nathan Vasher jumped in front of the receiver
174)I threw the ball with my left hand
175)I have turf Toe
176)I just found out Santa Clause is not real
177)Katrina destroyed my childhood home
178)The dog buried the playbook
179)The WR fell down
180)Someone flashed me in the stands
181)I found out I was adopted
182)I have Amnesia
183)TO called me gay
184)Someone stole my identify
185)The doctor called and my brain was not ready
186) I didn't had my snickers candy bar today
187) I am sober
188) I have leg cramps
189) I didn't get laid last night
190) I got arrested last night
191) My shoes made me look fat
192) The fieldgoal kicker kicked my hand instead of the ball
193) I have nothing to prove anymore
194) Jeff Garcia asked me out on a date before the game
195) I got lost in the parking lot
196) I have a hairball caught in my throat
197) The center threw up on the ball
198) I saw Warren Sapp nude in my dreams
199) The center stepped on my foot
200) My wife cut her finger
201) Mike Tice didn't get me Superbowl tickets
202)Archie Manning called me overrated
203)The ref is blind
204)The ref interfered with the pass
205)The TE broke his leg
206)The media asked me if I was going to retire
207)Grandma baked a pie with bad apples
208)I lost my pants on the floor
209)I have a rash on my butt
210)My chin strap is loose
211)My barber cut my hair to short
212)I got a tattoo on my butt
213)It snowed last night
214)I want a new contract
215)My arm was tired from masturbating last night
216)I donated my vicodin to charity
217)I have split personalities
218)Reggie white didn't say his prayer during the game
219)Bart Starr called me a wuss
220)Aaron Rodger stabbed me in the back
221)Someone tied my shoelaces together
222)I have flash backs of Ahman Green fumbling the ball
223)I have an outer body experience last night
224)My Spine was crooked
225)Last call for alcohol
226)I didn't puke before the game
227)I watched the movie the replacements and it scared me
228)I got horny watching the cheerleaders grazing in the field at halftime
229)I dropped the soap in the shower
230)I didn't save any money be switching to gecko
231)Dan Marino keeps sending me death threats
232)I was worried about my acting career
233)Deanna's sisters/brothers cousin was arrested last night
234)The media stopped talking to me
235)Someone spiked my water bottle
236)I am having Vicodin withdraws
237)I found out my favorite sheep died last night
238)The packers called me Bert
239)I am still a 3 time MVP
240)Those INTs are not his fault because I has no running game
241)Purple Jerseys make me look gay
242)Someone put Liquid heat in favres jock
243)A bird flew in front of my pass and deflected it
244)That was my clone that played
245)The Viagra didn't wear off
246)I stopped smoking
247)I found out who the Real Batman was
248)I didn't want to get hurt
249)I like the perfect spiral
250)The offensive line sucks.
251) I broke a toenail.
252)wins don't matter anymore because I am a shoe in Hall of Farmer
253)I broke up with my special man-friend last night.
254)I've got a Boyle on my ass that feels like petting a chihuahua.
255) I got my dick stuck in a Sheep and I couldn't do the 5 step drop
256)I found out the center was on Americas most wanted
257)My nose was bleeding
258)Childress yelled at me
259)Someone broke into my house
260)I had a bad dream about hurricane Ditka
261)I am going to be in the sequel to something about Mary
262)Deanna is disappointed in me
263)I forgot the play count
264)The defense was lucky
265)I jammed my thumb on a helmet
266)My jersey was dirty
267)My jock strap was on backwards
268)The center tried to kiss me
269)There was a recall on my favre dolls
270)Bart Starr took a dump in my helmet
271)I could not hear the play called in
272)Walker,Green,Davenport,Ferguson and Franks were making fun of me
273)I found out my kids are really Lynn Dicky's
274)The defense keeps giving up more pts
275)I have a secret admirer
276)There was a heat wave in Kiln Mississippi
277)I left the water running at the house
278)I was drafted into the army
279)My brother lost his keys to the house
280)Grandma was busted for smoking grass
281)Parris Hilton keeps leaving messages on my phone
282)Teddy Thompson put a bounty out on my head
283)I saw my shadow which means 3 more ints today
284)Jarred Alled reminds me of Jesus Christ
285)I have a cramp in my hand
286)I was thirsty on that play
287)Someone called my mom a bitch
288)Someone was reflecting the sun in my eyes with a mirror
289)Someone knocked on my door at 2:00 A.M.
290)I have a tee time after the game
291)I was mad at Percy Harvin
292)I can still play ball with better receivers
293)My leg was broken
294)I had a dream about John Madden in a thong
295)someone tried to kill me last night
296)I was dizzy from playing ring around the rosey
297)Someone switched my helmet with the punters
298)I missed out on the Love Boat
299)The Packerfans were booing at me
300)The cat had kitens last night
301)Chester Taylor ran out of bounds
302)I hate cold weather
303)Michael Irvin left his crack pipe in my car
304)My parole officer gave me a body search
305)Pat Williams hugged me to tight and hurt my back
306)I pulled my hamstring running off the field
307)Someone puked on my shoes
308)My helmet visor was scratched
309)Some cheesehead Flashed me.
310)My girlfriend is pregnant
311)Someone is blackmailing me
312)I am the one and only
313)The Sheep farm burned down last night
314)My college friends kept me up all night
315)I lost my virginity last night
316)The Jets released me
317)Sterling Sharp called me a bum
318)Kevin Green made me puke on the field
319)There was turf stuck on my helmet
320)The "Horn" on my helmet fell off
321)Someone put stick em on the football
322)I have tennis elbow
323)My pinkie finger is infected
324)Someone stepped on my good hand
325)I riped my pants on the field
326)Someone kicked my in the groin
327)I have wax build up in my ear
328)Someone gave me a wedgie
329)We didn't play the Seahawks in this game
330)A witch doctor put a spell on me
331)I stepped in dog poop
332)The mob broke my hand with a hammer
333)I failed a drug test(vicodin)
334)I only care about the TD record
335)Someone dared me to throw the game away
336)I hate the west coast offense
337)I had to put the dog down
338) I lost my SB ring at the cleaners
339)I didn't go to church today
340)I struck a deal with the devil
341) I was exposed to cryptomite
342)Someone hit me in the arm with a lead pipe
343)I had razor burn
344)My eyebrows were burned off
345)Men in Black zapped the center
346)The Packers have 12 championships
347)George W Bush made me throw the football to the wrong team
348)Percy Harvin has headaches
349)I ball was dirty
350)I had a stuffy nose
351)The light went off
352)The viking mascot threaten to kick my but
353)There was a 40 mile per hour wind
354)The Moons gravity cause the ball to float
355)The earth was spinning to fast
356)I tore my ACL and MCL
357)Mike Ditka called me a sissy boy
358)I landed on my keys
359)There was a rock in my shoe
360)I had a knee burn
361)I had a sun burn
362)Troy Aikmen was playing against me
363)We played on Thursday instead of Sunday
364)I drank to much coffee
365)A Tornado destroyed my barn
366)I was having an emotional break down today
367)The Packers signed TO
368)Kevin Williams bit my finger off
369)We played the game in a dome
370)We lost the game as a team not my 6 turnovers.
371)I didn't want to mess my hair up
372)Chuck Norris kicked my in the head and butt
373)Chester Taylor refused to catch the ball
374)The field was to short
375)The ref called the play dead
376)I was thinking of retiring again
377)Someone grabbed my face mask
378)The refs don't like me anymore
379)Steve Young has a voodoo doll of me with needles stuck in me
380)Madden didn't put me on his cover
381)There was a power failure in the day time
382)I was watching the jumbo TV screen
383)I only throw 1 yard TD passes
384) Berrian didn't get 2 feet down
385)I wanted to give Strahan the Sack record
386)Charles tillman hit me in the back
387)I don't like playing for the packers anymore
388)The smelling salt was tainted
389)It was snowing real bad
390)I rotator cuff is torn
391)My shoe lace broke
392)My glove has a hole in one of the fingers
393)Someone stuck gum on the ball
394)The Ball was too Round
395)I like the hail Mary pass play a lot
396)My shoes don't match
397)My pants keep falling down
398)I have fleas
399)I was involved in a 3 car accident last night
400)I had a cavity search before entering the stadium
401)My arm was in a cast
402)My goldfish was sick
403)I am suffering from food poisoning
404)Jerry McGuire screwed my contract
405)My pads made me look fat
406)I demand to be traded
407)I didn't have the oil changed in my car
408)I made a bet that I could throw 6 ints before getting pulled
409)Jeff Foxworthy called me a red neck
410) I was laying on the ground when I threw the ball to Vasher
411) Terrorist threaten to cut my head off
412)I was focusing on my retirement speech
413)I am worried about my job
414)The ref caught the ball
415) The ball was to hard
416)There was a riot in the stands
417)I ate a bad hotdog
418)There was no ice in the lockerroom
419)Longwell used my cellphone during non peak hours
420)Tommy Harris punched me in the gut
421)The packers burned my jersey
422)I was wondering what is a Packer?
423)Paul Horning placed a bet on the other team
424)Jim McMahon shaved my head
425)Davenport never washes his hands
426)I think I have H1n1
427)My dentist gave me to much novacane
428)Obama threatened to deport me
429)I had chicken pox
430)I quit smoking pole
431) I didn't eat my Wheaties for breakfast
432)The neighbors car alarm kept me up all night
433)My aftershave gave me a skin rash
434)My hormones are raging
435)I have hemorrhoids
436)we didn't have a team prayer before the game
437)Percy Harvin was injured today
438)A spider bit me on my non throwing arm
439)I have a blood clot in my arm(not sure which one)
440)The number was torn of my jersey
441)I was sacked real hard today
442)I have a kink in my neck
443)I was molested my by neighbor 20 years ago
444)I sneezed at the same time I through the ball
445)I need Tommy John surgery on my throwing arm
446)I finally saw the clip where LT broke Theismans leg.
447)We didn't lose the game we just ran out of time
448)I Miss mike holmgren coaching me
449)I have never recovered from Ray Rhodes coaching me
450)I saw a naked Indian man in my dream
451)That was not me playing
452)I Don't trust the WRs
453)The vikings and I don't agree with the play calling
454)I was thinking about my HOF speech
455)The center forgot to hike the ball
456)I just found out I was a test tube baby
457)I sprained my ankle again
458)I dislocated my ring finger
459)I didn't eat breakfast this morning
460)I was worried about my golf swing
461)I have stomach cancer
462)Some woman claims to be the mother of my children
463)I never met my real father
464)I found out my father is really my uncle
465)I cut my lip on a can of coke
466)I have a blister on my non index finger
467)The QB coach kissed me on my head and now he calls me everyday
468)I am rebelling against the packers organization
469)I only get 15% of all cheesehat sales
470)I am no longer the highest paid player in the league
471)Sidney Rice is to slow
472)I don't need no stinking play book, I am Bert Favre
473)I hurt my shoulder blocking for Ferguson
474)I have amnesia on the field
475)I called an audible and nobody heard it
476)These guys stink
477)I never lost a game when the temp was colder than 14 degrees
478)I won a superbowl 14 years ago
479)I drank some bad moonshine before the game
480)I just found out I suffer from dementia
481)Voices in my head told me to throw the ball
482)I never intend to throw and INT but it just happens
483)My mind was not in the game
484)My dog had puppies
485)I wife is suing me because I left the toilet seat up again
486)I was worried about getting a traffic ticket since my car was double parked
487)The team doctor wrapped my ankle to tight
488)I was stumped on my crossword puzzle
489)Someone left a burning bag on my porch last night.
490)I hurt myself at the sperm bank
491)I ment to throw the ball to the wrong person
492)Nobody wants to catch the ball anymore
493)I think I can still play the game
494)I didn't practice well this week
495)Jarred Allen saw me in the shower last night
496)I can't see well out of my left eye
497)I stepped in a gopher hole
498)My wife stabbed me in the leg with a fork
499)I had my fingernails done
500)Chad Johnson sent me a case of Pepto Bismol
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High Fives / Like - 3 High Fives, 0 Dislikes
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501)It was not goat season
502)We are playing for a draft pick
503)My uniform was faded
504)I put my shoes on the wrong feet
505)I keep seeing 11 urlachers on the field
506)The defense switched uniforms with the offense
507)Our special teams suck
508)I can't remember who on first whats on second
509)Curly,Larry and Moe were on the field
510)I don't know my own are strength
511)I swallowed a fly
512) I was stepped on a nail
513)I think the Packers hate me
514)Row Row Row your boat gently down the stream
515)I wanted to screw the Viking again
516)Janet Jacksons boob popped out
517)Deana gave me a face palm
518)The receiver over ran my pass
519)The Safety got in the way
520)I had a root canal done and the novacane didn't wear off
521)I lost my lucky rabbits foot again
522)The devil made me do it
523)I was abducted by aliens
524)The people of Mississippi still like me
525)People of Wisconsin are stupid
526)Barry Sanders didn't play for the team
527)I just play to pad in TD total
528)Chester Taylor fumbled the ball once
529)Someone shot me in the back with a pellet gun
530)Lance Briggs threw a snowball at my head
531)I ate some turf that upset my stomach
532)I lost to the bears again
533)I got a turf burn on my other elbow
534)I found out that my credit card was rejected
535)We played the Tampa 2 defense
536)My tongue was stuck to a cold flag pole
537)my peepee was stuck in my zipper
538)Jerry rice doesn't play for the Vikings
539)My sight is not as good as it use to be
540)The receivers collided into each other
541)My highschool coach was arrested for gambling
542)Someone set my car on fire
543)The offensive line jumped to early
544)Nobody was blocking the defense
545)I left my lucky necklace on the bookstand
546)John Madden stopped calling my games
547)I am trying to get Childress fired
548)I tried complete a pass to my self
549)Longwell has a bad leg
550)I have a concussion
551)None of my relatives have died lately
552)I had to play with my golf shoes
553)I hurt my arm jacking off last night
554)There is still a lot of football left
555)I tried the statue of liberty play
556)Dan Marino slipped me a micky
557)My depends were giving me a wedgie
558)I lost in duck duck goose
559)My time travel machine was broken
560)My wife cleaned the floor with my toothbrush
561)My dentures fell out
562)Jay Leno canceled my guest appearance
563)The president bet against the Vikings
564)Someone kidnapped my family
565)I am own the INT record now.
566)Ricky Williams smoked pot with me
567)The air was to thin
568)The humidity was to hot
569)The goat farmer was home last night
570)I lost my special Viking Helmet
571)I had detention
572)I only have 3 months to live
573)A photographer took a picture of me when I threw the ball
574)Someone shot the ball out of my hand
575)i got sucker punched by a gorilla
576)I got hit in the knee with a bazooka
577)I don't want to play but the money is great
578)I bruised my tail bone
579)I had a vasectomy yesterday
580)I got beat up on the WWE.
581)My wisdom teeth came in
582)I got ran over by a reindeer
583)Helga the viking chick made a pass at me
584)I once scored 4 TD in a highschool football game
585)I fell down the stairs
586)I fell in the bathtub reaching for the soap
587)I was exposed to radiation
588)I was car jacked and pistol whipped
589)Mike Tyson bit my ear off
590)Someone put a spider in my shoes
591)My knee brace is defective
592)The Pepsi machine was not on my team(stupid commercial)
593)Miller light taste great but it was less filling
594)The TE said my butt looks big
595)I ate raw eggs before the game
596)Bill Romanoski spit in my face
597)My face mask fell off
598)Ray Lewis stabbed me in the arm
599)Ed reed snorted Cocaine with me before the game
600)I have a foot fungus
601)My steroids made my arm shrink
602)I tested positive to Botox injections
603)Friend was on TV
604)I tripped on some Lego's
605)I have a rash on my arm pit
606)The WR fell asleep at our meetings
607)I swallowed my tongue
608)The defense lost the game not me
609)I didn't get my police escort to the game
610)Donald Trump Fired me
611)I was voted off survivor
612)I am gay and proud of it
613)My hands are to small
614)I grind me teeth when I sleep
615)My dog peed on my leg
616)My left Nut was swollen
617)I got a yeast infection
618)I had a nightmare about Madden Dying
619)Jerry Glandville still calls me Mississippi and I don't like it
620)Mississippi fell into the gulf of Mexico
621)Momma told me foosball is for the devil
622)The waterboy pissed in my water cup
623)Someone superglued my hand to my jockstrap
624)My cup was painted Blue and Orange
625)Urlacher said he was going to meet me after the game and kick my ass
626)I have chronic wasting decease from mounting a deer
627)I closed my eyes when I threw that pass
628)I got exposed to Agent Orange in Vietnam
629)Aliens planted a microchip in my brain
630)I was circumcised before the game.
631)I ate beans before the game and I had to toot a lot.
632)My childhood pony died last night
633)John Madden told me he was going to be in town
634)I wish my coach was Lovie Smith
635)Dante Culpepper put a curse on me
636)I had miller light poisoning
637)I had vomit go through my nose
638)I bumped my head on the airplane
639)I have dome stadium sickness
640)There is to much pollen in the air
641)I got my luggage switched at the airport
642)I was swept up by a tornado that made me very dizzy
643)It is the runningback fault we lost not mine
644)Joe Montana called me overrated
645)I got caught stealing money from the hurricane fund
646)Mark chumra was caught sleeping with my daughter
647)I have a infected ring finger
648)I have lead poisoning
649)I ate paint chips as a kid
650)I hurt my wrist jacking off
651)I have the flu and a cold
652)I took a cough medicine that made me sleepy
653)I have acid reflux
654)I have irritable bowl syndrome
656) I had a hamburger that tested positive for mad cow disease
657) I have dry skin
658)The Tooth fairy took my buck teef in the middle of the night
659)I just found out that Lassy died
670)I needed to exercise my demons
671)I just found out that Santa Claus is not real
672)My shoulder pads were to tight
673)I didn't have matching socks
674)Someone stole my shoes
675)I left my autographed picture of John madden at home
676)Mike Holmgren told the NFL that I have a drinking problem still
677)I sat on a cactus last night
678)The battery to the smoke alarm was losing power
679)My car radio was stolen last night
680)There was a full moon out last night
681)The earth gravitational pull was real strong today
682)I got hit my a meteor last night
683)My kid kept crying last night
684)I didn't get any sleep last night
685)The Sun was to dull today
686)I broke my putter on the 10th hole yesterday
687)I lost 10k at the dog races last night
688)My wife is having her period right now.
689)I racked my nuts masturbating last night
690)Someone threw a snowball at my dog yesterday
691)My kids blew up the toilets at school yesterday
692)The Bear fans are picking on me
693)Nate Newton dropped of some large bags of laundry at my house
694)The FBI raided my house last night and took my SB trophy
695)My retirement speech is defective
696)My dog tried to hump me last night
697)My dog humped my wife last night and she liked it.
698)I got arrested for animal cruelty
699)I burned my eyebrows last night making dinner
700)My wife is leaving me for the kicker
701)I had my picture taking buying tampons
702)My had hurts from signing autographs
703)The Bears stole the playbook
704)Randy Moss mooned me
705)I ate tacos with someone named TD33
706)I was arrested last night for child porn
707)The highschool teacher ran away with my kid to Mexico
708)Grandma lost her glasses last night
709) I stepped on a tack and it hurt my foot.
710)BenGay burns my lips
711)Toothpaste Burns my Butt hole
712)The toilet would not stop running last night
713)Al Bundy kicked me in the head
714)The neighbors kid stole the new paper
715)The needle broke off in my arm
716)I have arthritis in my elbow
717)I tore a tendon in my leg
718)I am stuck in quicksand
719)I missed the sopranos last night
720)I was at the casino betting my life saving away
721)Dennis Rodman came over last night and banged my wife
722)I went Sky diving and my parachute didn't open
723)I took Viagra and vicodin at the same time
724)The doctor told me I have 6 weeks to live.
725)I just found out that moms home was destroyed by termites
726)I can't find a clean pair of underwear
727)Jesse Jackson called me a racist
728)Gangbangers broke Favre arm
729)I choked on my mouth piece
730)The ball was to heavy to throw
731)The ball was to round
732)Some kids egged my house and TP it also
733)Holy water burns my skin
734)The Plane hit a deer on the runway
735)I was hit in the head with a hockey puck
736)I had frost bite on my fingers
737)The Punter muffed the punt
738)The owner made me wash his car
739) I had ring around the collar
740)I used to much hand lotion
741)I got sick licking an envelope
742)I got in a fight with Olin Kruetz and he broke my jaw
743)A jackass kicked my sternum in
744)I fell off a horse
745)The dog bit me in the ass
746)I was hypnotized by the ceiling fan
747)My girlfriend got in a fight with my wife
748)The chicago bears kicked my butt the following week
749)My MVP's were sold at a flea market
750)I have a heart murmur
751)I was sprayed by a skunk
752)I ate a bad case of roadkill
753)My wife set my car on fire
754)The dog was hit by a car
755)I had beef jerky caught between my teeth
756)Someone stole my wristband
757)someone hit me in the head with a beer bottle
758)I had a heart attack
759)The right guard it a racist
760)I voted for Obama
761)I slept in the dog house last night
762)I had sex with Bill Clinton
763)Someone put sugar in the gas tank
764)We lost power last night
765)The storm kept me up all night
766)Jesus said I was overrated
767)I was at the Hodown last night
768)I fell a sleep on the shitter and my legs went numb
769)I was short changed on my check this week
770)My house in Haiti was destroyed
771)I have pink eye
772)I am bipolar
773)I owe money to the IRS
774)Dan Marino's diet gives me cramps
775)I lost in Texas hold em last night
776)I wanted to see brokeback mountain
777)I left my insurance card at home
778)Cameron Diaz called me a dork
779)I hurt my arm opening my beer.
780)I sharted in my pants
781)Someone glued my eyes shut
782)Someone put itching powder in my helmet
783)What can I say the Vikings are known for choking.
784)I missed survivor
785)Chuck Norris was not available to play today.
786)Someone asked me if I wanted paper or plastic.
787)What color is my Jersey
788)My private Locker room was being fogged
789)I like playing without undewear.
790)I saw Grady Jackson take a shower
791)I bearfan punched me in the eye when I did the lambeau leap
792)Today was bring your hunting gun to work.
793)Mike Holmgren called my last night and said I should retire.
794)Madden no longer loves me.
795)I have turret syndrome.
796)I was a witness to a murder
797)I see drunk people on the field
798)My favre doll has a recall for broken members
799)My glass eye got a scratch on it.
800)The ref didn't like me touching him
801)I slept with chumuras wife
802)My kids saw me naked
803)I was arrested for impersonating a QB
804)I was busted for gambling
805)I didn't throw that int.
806)The ball was tipped so it is not my fault
807)The ground was to soft
808)The air was to humid
809)The wind was going east to west
810)It was to cold to throw the ball
811)The cold air makes my thumb slip when gripping the ball
812)I have no feeling in my legs
813)I feel like crying to the media
814)I nerves were shot
815)Coffee makes me pee to much
816)I have a bad case of the runs
817)My mouth piece was dirty.
818)I saw myself on the history station.
819)Football makes me sleepy
820)I am afraid to get sacked.
821)I am a future Hall of Famer.
822)The Vikings are to stupid to realize I suck in playoff games
823)I retarded kid made fun of me
824)I got bucked of my horse last night
825)My drove my wife into lesbian.
826)The septic system over flowed again
827)I am a grandpa.
828)I stopped taking my medication
829)I was grounded for staying out to late.
830)The coach made me mad
831)I lost my stuffed bunny rabbit bootsie
832)The ground was wet
833)The turf was too short
834)I have a grass stain on my shoulder pad
835)The Lights were off during the day games
836) I have a hole in my sock
837)I like cashing huge checks
838)I want to play for the falcons
839)I want to play for the Patriots
840)Bart Starr laughed at me
841)I want to coach my own team
842)I put my gloves on the wrong hands again
843)The guberment is out to get me
844)I was shot in the back when I went hunting for rabbit
845)I fell off a cliff and broke my neck
846)I have A.D.D.
847)My spine is to straight.
848)There was a defensemen in my face
849)I finally beat the Cowboys in the playoffs
850)I was thinking of my HOS speech.
851)I was car jacked on the way to the game.
852)The team bus ran over my foot
853)I thought I still played for the Packers
854)Darren Sharper is going to the Superbowl
855)I never made it past the 4th grade.
856)I am getting old now
857)Dr Finger tested me for colon cancer.
858)I just need one more chance.
859)Brad Childress was late on picking me up
860)I was a guest host of my own reality show
861)My lawnmover blade was dull.
862)It snowed in Kiln Mississippi.
863)My mother in law moved in
864)My mother in law kicked my out of my own house
865)My brother in law ran over my mother in law with the ATV
866)My wife caught me spanking my monkey
867)Grany Favre died last night
868)I didn't get anything for Christmas
869)Deana cooked me a bad dinner
870)My bookie broke my arm for not paying
871)The mob threatened to kill me if we win the game
872) My arm was hit when I threw that stupid pass.
873)I was choking on a turkey bone last night at dinner
874)My agent quit
875)The media stopped asking me if I was going to retire this year.
876)The new coach is g@y
877)I took a warm shower.
878)Someone peed in the shower
879)I failed a drug test
880)I have a headache that only show up during game time
881)I saw John Candy in the stands waving at me.
882)I can't remember what play was called.
883)The defense blitzed me on that down
884)I pulled a hamstring walking over to the bench.
885)N. Davenport shared a locker with me
886)The hot tub has ecoli.
887)I am afraid of my own shadow.
888)Charlie Danial's died making a song for me
889)I was under a hypnotic trance.
890)I have road rage on the football field
891)The ball slipped from my hand
892)The ball temperature was to cold.
893)My Nike pumps were over inflated
894)I forgot my neck brace
895)I never say the CB
896)Nobody loves me anymore
897)Are you my mother or father.
898)I was thrown to the wolves
899)TO wants me to play for the eagles.
900)The defense lost the game not me.
901)I wanted to play for the Bears.
902)My botox injection went bad
903)I love Parris Hilton
904)My wife had a penis and I just found out.
905)My kids hate me for playing foolsball.
906)I was late for dinner so my wife threw out my dish.
907)My wife doesn't want a boob job
908)I was burned in the tanning salon
909)My hair hurts
910)I tore all the tendons in my throwing arm.
911)Al Gore created the internet but banned me from it
912)My Highschool teacher was arrested to sleeping with a student.
913)My eyebrows were burned off when I used the microwave
914)I have a nose bleed from the dry air
915)Terrorist hijacked the school bus in Kiln Mississippi.
916)Forest Gump is more popular than me in Mississippi.
917)My Highschool sweatheart is really a man
918)I have low blood pressure
919)I have high blood pressure
920)I lost to much blood
921)I lost control of my bodily functions.
922)I had a blister on my lips
923)My eyes hurt from the sunlight
924)I lost my luggage at the airport.
925)I dislocated my thumb
926)My mom stopped breast feeding me
927)I was arrested last night with a hooker
928)My bookie stole my winnings.
929)I have cellphone cancer
930)I have a growth on my back
931)I have athletes foot on my throwing hand
932)The center has a STD
933)I lost my voice
934) I was hit in the head with a tomato
935)I sat on my car keys.
936)Some one put preparation H on my toothbrush.
937)The Media is starting rumors about my retirement
938)I am retired but the people of greenbay don't know it
939)I am not human but a clone
940)Clint Eastwood made me cry once and I have never recovered since that moment
941)I want to create a country album
942)I lost my cousin in a coal mine accident
943)My best friend admitted to having an affair with my mom
944)The local police could not find my golf clubs
945)I want to be president someday
946)I never got my piece of gum at the dentist office.
947)My pet gold fish ate my guppies
948)My horse stepped on my foot breaking 3 toes
949)I don't have a defense like the steelers
950)The officials made the wrong call
951)The officials caught my pass
952)The offensive line gets called for too many false starts.
953)The line of scrimmage was one yard short.
954)My cell phone was roaming
955)The dog ate my slippers
956)My ankle hurts
957)I was struck by lightning
958)I discovered Oil in my back yard.
959)The hurricane affected my throws
960)Oprah really touched me with her show.
961)I have beer poisoning
962)My foot is rotting
963)My hip was dislocated from being hit my a car
964)I drank to much eggnog
965)I was arrested for indecent exposure
966)I missed my Britney spears concert.
967)I missed practice yesterday
968)I am depressed because I lost the game
969)my dog bit my non throwing hand
970)My fingernails were to long
971)My fingernails were to short
972)I choked on a fingernail
973)I am a hillbilly who needs his moonshine
974) I have a cold sore from kissing my sister
975)I didn't get my chocolate pudding
976)I was studying for the big exam last night.
977)I am French so it is not my fault.
978)I was exposed to gamma rays
979)I had corrective eye surgery
980)I suffer from shaken baby syndrome
981)My doctor told me to not play anymore
982)I have lead poisoning
983)I was exposed to carbon monoxide
984)I have a sun burn
985)I have a charlie horse in my leg
986)My liver has never healed from the alcohol
987)I listen to devil music
988)I have a paper cut on my pinky finger
989)I hate playing for the packers
990)I have chemotherapy sessions.
991)I hurt my balls in a freak accident involving peanutbutter.
992)I fell in the bathtub and hurt my tailbone
993)My dad owes the mob 10K
994)I have long nose hairs that cause me to sneeze.
995)I lost 4 pints of blood to mosquito's
996)I stepped on a yellow jacket
997)I landed on the football and it knocked the wind out of me
998)I smell sweaty feet
999)The doctor called and told me my brain will be ready Monday
1000)The defense was not good enough today.
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High Fives / Like - 5 High Fives, 0 Dislikes
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Was looking for this... It should be made a sticky.
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+2 for sticky. (unless he stays retired this time that is)
I'm trying//to let go//of maybe//but maybe's just so//very interesting//Oh, what a thing.
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Lol. I would keep it a sticky for an all time post in the rival thread.
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America is at that awkward stage. It's too late to work within the system, but too early to shoot the bastards." - Claire Wolfe
"Possibly, but it's not to early to start loading ammo!" - Loki
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High Fives / Like - 1 High Fives, 0 Dislikes
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Originally Posted by
The Benjamin View Post
Okay Mr. Gramm
er, allow me to give you a lesson in writing.
1. When you start a sent
ance with a number, you are supposed to spell out the number.
2. Numbers one
threw nine are spelled out.
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wait, what about the only excuse he needs? "I'm sorry, but I'm Brett Favre. Throwing picks is what I do, along with sheep humping and smacking other men's butts."
GO CHICAGO BEARS AND NIU HUSKIES!!! 
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