John Fox on Tim Tebow
The Inner Torment Of John Fox
10.26.11 Written by John Fox
[Second half on Sunday]
See? Do you see, world? I gave God Boy his shot. You hectored me, you badgered me, you put up stupid billboards and hurled Bibles through my windows. I finally gave in. It killed a little bit of my soul to do it, but Iím a practical man who knows when heís licked. So I did it. I started Tebow. And for what? This. This is what youíve been just dying to see. Bra-vo.
Look at him. This brainwashed holy roller goon canít complete a seven-yard out to pick up a first down. Thatís right, hereís your insincere slap on the back as you jog off the field after another three-and-out. Come get it. God, I f*cking hate you. So glad this will be over soon. The fans will realize how stupid and wrong they were and Iíll be able to bring in somebody good next year. Maybe Iíll even get to draft Luck. Thatíd be sweet.
Oh, f*ck, heís staying over here. Why canít he just sit on the bench like a normal person? Okay, okay. Act busy. Whereís the linebacker coach? I need to yell at him about his guys breaking contain on Bush. Damn it, I canít find him. Oh great, now I have to talk to Tebow. Stop being so eager. Youíre never going to be good. Whatís the point? Heís such a closetalker. Back the f*ck off. Can you believe this asshole wanted me to join his prayer circle before the game? Just soooo upstanding, isnít he? I told him I already prayed at home. You could see the heartbreak in his eyes. It was fantastic.
Why are his college teammates here? Nobody cares. No one. I hate you all. Go back to Gainesville and manufacture human misery that we can laugh at from afar. Thatís what Florida is for, why we even keep it around. Being Fark fodder. I swear if I see Urban Meyer clapping one more time, Iíll start lighting shit on fire.
Another stop by the defense. I wish I could apologize to every guy on that unit. Busting their ass just so Charlie Church can screw it up. Itís all right. A few more minutes and this will all be over. No doubt the media will still pretend rainbows beam out of his shit, but after a few weeks of this, even theyíll have to admit that Tebow blows. 4/14 for 40 yards. Can you believe that? Against one of the worst teams in the league? Unreal. Iíd trade him for Jimmy Clausen right now if I could. Iím not even kidding.
I get run out of Carolina after years of trying to get by with hapless losers like Jake Delhomme, Chris Weinke, Clausen and Matt Moore and what happens? They get Cam f*cking Newton. The top-flight QB Iíd been waiting for just falls into their lap. Yeah, real f*cking fair. The wife was right. ďJust sit out this season. It wonít kill you. And then a good job will open up somewhere else.Ē I couldnít listen. I just HAD to be coaching. I could have had the Miami job. They suck, too, but I least I wouldnít have been sabotaged from the outset by this fundamentalist Christ groupie jorttard.
Oh, look, Timmy got himself a first down. Even a blind squirrel can bust a nut once in a while. Heh. Bet youíd love that one, you creepy little virgin. I canít even tell jokes in the clubhouse anymore ícause he gets all bent out of shape. I went up to McGahee in the locker room and said, ďWhat do you call a quadriplegic woman who washes up on the beach? SANDY!Ē He cracked up, but there stood Timmy with the sad look in the eyes like he just saw Hey-Zeus take it in the pooper. I think Iíll start putting up hardcore porn all over the locker room. Eat strange hole, Tebow.
Great, we finally scored. Well, whatever. It doesnít matter. Miami will kill the clock here. Iíll go dime package on all downs just to make sure.
WHAT? NO! NO! HOW CAN YOU NOT CONVERT? I HATE YOU, SPARANO! JUST WIN THE GODDAMN GAME! IíM GIVING IT TO YOU! TAKE IT! TAKE IT!
Fine, we got it back. Itíll be even better if Tebow has a chance to come back and screws the pooch.
OH CíMON! F*ck you, Daniel Fells. You lay out for that? STOP MAKING TEBOW LOOK COMPETENT! IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT!? IS IT? YEARS AND YEARS OF COVERING FOR HIS MISTAKES AND WOBBLY WOBBLY PASSES? WELL KEEP IT UP THEN! SEE IF I CARE!
ARE YOU F*CKING WITH ME!? HOW CAN MIAMI NOT SEE THE QB DRAW COMING?! WE TELEGRAPHED THE SHIT OUT OF THAT PLAY! IT WAS AN EMPTY BACKFIELD! DRAWS ARE ALL THAT GIANT PIOUS RETARD CAN DO! STOP HIM! STOP HIM!
Of course Matt Moore fumbled in overtime. OF COURSE HE DID. Coach killer. I have him to thank for me being in this crummy job. I want to witness your last breath, Matt Moore, then go out for Taco Tuesday at Don Pablos. Really savor the moment. And the flavors.
Ooooh boy. We won. Look at the euphoria splayed across my face. Like someone laid it on with a trowel.
Let history show that I tried to put a stop to this. I really did. Itís bad enough that Iím gonna have to live through it. Just donít let anyone assume it was my doing. Because it wasnít. This is my hell, too.
F*ck you, Tebow. May you die knowing Islam is the one true faith and that God hates us. Better yet, there is no God. What benevolent creator would allow this happen? It wouldnít. God is dead and Tebow killed Him.
Theyíre gonna find your S&M gay abortion dungeon, Timmy. Iím starting to give the media hints. Then youíll be a pariah. Your mom will get another Super Bowl commercial just to announce that sheís abandoning you. Rick Perry will no longer accept you as his VP. No more will kissing teammates after victories be written off as getting swept up in emotion.
Itíll be getting swept up in anal. Tony Dungy will lead hate marches against you and the Westboro Baptist Church will picket your funeral. And I will love all of that.
But before all that, I get to have my fun. Since Timmy Tebow: All-Heaven Clutch Hero is in demand, thatís what Iím going to give everyone. From now on, weíre gonna have five-wide sets with seven step drops. Trick plays with Tebow as a receiver going over the middle. QB dives on 3rd and 3. Tebow returning punts with fair catches outlawed. Tebow holding on extra points with his teeth.
Iím gonna get you, you son of a bitch. For all of us.
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For the love of God put Orton back in, I need fantasy pts. TEBLOW SUCKS BALLS and HE CAN'T THROW THE BALL WORTH A SHIT.
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I take my last post back, leave TEBLOW in because my Lions defense is kicking his ass and racking up a shit load of FF pts.
Holy crap! 45-3? I just flipped over to this game. I was watching the patriots/steelers game.
I actually watched most of this game; he is worse then Orton, during Ortons rookie year. 2 fumbles, 1 lost for a td, two int's, one for a 100 yrd TD. Multipe over throws all sailing high. He throws off 1 foot, while the other is hip high. He is AWFULL!.
Fine Orton isn't the guy, I saw him play this year he was awful, but if Quinn or Orton don't start the rest of the year there is something seriously wrong w/that team.
te-blow is not a qb; and I don't mean not a nfl qb, just not a qb. LOL after a sack one of the Det DL's tebow planked. it was hilarious.
If it were not for garbage time I would have scored 70 pts with the lions defense. I got 60 pts today thanks to Tebow.
When is Detroit playing the Packers finally? I want them to suffer another loss more humiliating than the two they've already been dealt.
So you will be rooting for the packers that game?
Originally Posted by Dagan81
For once, yes I will, because we are more likely to overtake Detroit in the divisional standings than we are Green Bay. I think Green Bay has the potential to go 15-1 or 14-2 this year; no way with the way their shitty defense has played that they will go undefeated in the regular season.
Originally Posted by The Benjamin
Originally Posted by Dagan81
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