Enough already with cuddly Bears mascot

Discussion in 'Chicago Bears' started by The Benjamin, Jul 22, 2014.

  1. The Benjamin

    The Benjamin George Halas
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    By Mike Imrem
    Mon, 21 Jul 2014 19:53:51 -0400

    Mon, 21 Jul 2014 19:53:51 -0400
    Amid all the Bears' personnel changes, an important one wasn't made at a critical position.

    With training camp scheduled to start this week, Staley remains the team mascot.

    (Stop snickering; this is serious business.)

    A recent story out of Cleveland should have received more attention around here.

    No, not that King James going-back-home thing. No, not something like Johnny Football belching on a bouncer.

    The news was that the Browns might install a live mastiff dog named Swagger as mascot to complement fans in the infamous Dawg Pound at home games.

    The Browns clearly want to project an image that better reflects that they want to play hard, aggressive, physical football.

    Hard to believe, but the Bears could take a lesson from the Browns, of all teams.

    Forgive me, PETA, forgive me for I have sinned: My cheap thrill, guilty pleasure and not-so-nice vice would be a live bear as the Bears' mascot.

    Dangerous? Heck, during my restless and reckless days I went to the mat twice with Victor the Wrestling Bear and lived to tell about it.

    If Vic is still around, the Bears might want to interview him for job of mascot.

    Staley -- a dead bear, uh, live person in a hot, sweaty bear costume -- currently represents the Bears.

    He, she or it stands for two things: first, the Decatur starch company that the franchise originally was named after; second, a mascot unworthy of wearing a Bears jersey.

    Staley is a harmless lowercase bear unbecoming of a franchise whose tradition is as harmful Monsters of the Midway.

    The McCaskey ownership sometimes seems intent on distancing the Bears from their history as a rough, tough football mob, uh, team.

    Bookish head coaches are hired. One of them was even named Lovie. He had a defense that never reminded anyone of a Bearish system like the "46." They don't have guys with nicknames like Mongo, Danimal and Samurai anymore.

    The Bears have gone soft in a brutal, barbaric, violent sport. Trying to turn game days into Sesame Street is like trying to turn a stripper into a librarian.

    More than anything, the NFL is large men smacking larger men so hard that blood and guts come flying out of them.

    If the Bears want this to be Six Flags, let your kids watch at their own risk. They might be concussed by osmosis.

    Staley's purpose is to entertain children -- perhaps children of all ages -- as if Soldier Field were Medieval Times.

    Colleges have more imposing mascots, like Ralphie the Buffalo at Colorado and UGA the Bulldog at Georgia.

    If it were my call, the Bears' mascot would be a Monster or collection of Monsters of the Midway. You know, perhaps something called Godzillakong or Draculenstein.

    Short of that, how about one real menacing bear running loose around the stadium? OK, maybe not loose, but on a long leash. OK, maybe not loose or on a leash, but in a steel cage.

    If he scares little kids, so be it. They'll get over it and grow up to be hardened Bears fans, not a generation of wimps like has been cultivated lately.

    Name the bear something more frightening than a box of starch. One suggestion would be to replace "Staley" with "Butka" in honor of two former Bears you might be familiar with.

    (Stop it, folks. The Bears can't put Dick Butkus and Mike Ditka in a cage, wheel them around Soldier Field and encourage them taunt the current edition of alleged NFL tough guys.)

    As much as Staley is a mascot peeve of mine, a compromise is possible.

    Staley can stay if the McCaskeys revive the Honey Bears adult-entertainment cheerleader squad.

    mimrem@dailyherald.com
     
  2. shark86x

    shark86x Pro-Bowler
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    I don't think he's cute and cuddly, but he could be a lot meaner looking. A live bear? not gonna happen, even in a cage.


    [​IMG][​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    Unless he's talking about this version of Staly with the real Honeybears...


    upload_2014-7-22_11-2-12.jpeg
     
  3. riczaj01

    riczaj01 DaBears Ditka
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    The one w/the Honeybears doesn't even look like a Bear, looks like some kind of weird bear/monkey hybrid.
     
    #3 riczaj01, Jul 22, 2014
    Last edited: Jul 22, 2014
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  4. Ski-Whiz

    Ski-Whiz George Halas
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    [​IMG][​IMG]


    They look the same to me...
     
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  5. riczaj01

    riczaj01 DaBears Ditka
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    Only difference is Fozzy looks like quality work and the Chicago Bear looks like something from a small store doors now opened festival.
     
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  6. jackiejokeman

    jackiejokeman Pro-Bowler

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    WE WANT TITS AND ASS!
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    BRING BACK THE HUNNY BEARS!!

    If we are behind 47-20 with 4 minutes left in the fourth quarter,

    at least give us some well definded camel toes to take away the misery.
     
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  7. soulman

    soulman Position Coach
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    Well now this Staley does look like a pussy.....................

    [​IMG]

    ............but not this one.

    [​IMG]

    OK, new NFL rule. All NFL teams must have mascots more representative of their toughness as NFL teams.

    Jets; a flyover by F16s with live missiles and smart bombs to drop on the oppositions bench.

    Redskins; 100 Souix warriors armed with bows/arrows and lances with the right to point and shoot at any Washington DC politician who thinks they should change their nickname.

    Lions, Bengals, Jaguars, and Panthers; free big game hunting safari for some lucky season ticket holder.

    Vikings; a murderous horde of blonde savages who attack after every opponent score. NFL teams can expand their rosters to 90 for road games in Minny.

    Bucs and Raiders; Somali pirates dressed in team colors.

    Dolphins; a great white shark disguised as a bottle nose dolphin for the fans to pet and feed........oops sorry about that arm!

    Patriots; a musket bearing militia made up of NRA supporters who can shoot the opposing QB in self defense.

    Packers; a murderous band of butchers with meat cleavers in Michael Myers masks.

    Cowboys; Jerry Jones in drag. That's about as scary as it comes don't cha think?


    I could go on but you all get the idea right? :smilebig:
     
    #7 soulman, Jul 22, 2014
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2014
  8. Ski-Whiz

    Ski-Whiz George Halas
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  9. Ski-Whiz

    Ski-Whiz George Halas
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    Here's a short video of Staley warming up for a game:

    [​IMG]


    Staley Bear after the blown coverage against the Packers last year:

    [​IMG]
     
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  10. soulman

    soulman Position Coach
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    LOL, Fozzie does a facepalm.
     
    • Bear Down! Bear Down! x 1

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